Confidence
In my last post, I talked about God's reckless love, about how much He cares for us. Today, I want to talk about what that means.
A couple weeks ago, our pastor was talking about confidence. Growing up, I was incredibly shy. Now, although I've gotten better, I still have moments of timidity. On top of that, I am an introvert. That means I'm quiet, better in small groups or on my own. I am not known to have confidence. I like being comfortable, whether it's in something as simple as what I wear or something as significant as speaking in pre-service or Wednesday night prayer in front of everyone. I've always hidden behind my personality and my belief that at this point in my life, I have very little to offer. But didn't I just speak of God's reckless love? If God can sacrifice His only son, is it really so important for me to hold back just because I don't want to be uncomfortable?
We have so much love bestowed on us and yet, we let so much stand in our way. Doesn't perfect love cast out all fear? Having this love, can we not walk in confidence?
I wish I knew the answer. It's one thing to say you'll trust God and give your life to him, it's another to actually do so. So many times, I have said "God, I want you to direct my steps. I want you to be in control," and yet so often, I find myself feeling lost because I try and fix what I don't like. I hide behind my fears and insecurities. I write instead of speaking.
Often, I am overwhelmed by the feeling of loneliness, of feeling unwanted or unloved. I retreat into myself like a turtle into it's shell. I hardly ever feel confident, remaining in my own shadow. Though I know I have this reckless, overwhelming love, I hardly live in it. But why is that? Why is that we as a species are constantly seeking worth when we already have it? We feign confidence but don't have any.
My parents have always raised me to try new things. Recently, I went with my youth group to Carowinds. I was nervous to put it lightly. I'm a ferris wheel kind of girl, roller coasters are not my thing but, I had to determined beforehand that I was going to be brave and I was going to ride the Fury, the biggest ride in the park. We walked up the stairs, got on and the ride crept slowly upward for what felt like eternity. Heights don't bother me but I was getting to the point where I was thinking that maybe this was a horrible idea. Then hell began. I wasn't sure whether to scream or throw up or cry or pass out (which my friend who was sitting next to me is convinced I did). Needless to say, I did not enjoy it and was more than relived to get off in the end. But I did it. I proved to myself that I could be brave, all of my own will.
Things happen. They always do and always will. We will fall back into old habits and slip into old emotions. Nevertheless, no matter where are in our lives, no matter our personalities, we all have the choice to be brave, to walk in the confidence of God and in the assurance of His love.
A couple weeks ago, our pastor was talking about confidence. Growing up, I was incredibly shy. Now, although I've gotten better, I still have moments of timidity. On top of that, I am an introvert. That means I'm quiet, better in small groups or on my own. I am not known to have confidence. I like being comfortable, whether it's in something as simple as what I wear or something as significant as speaking in pre-service or Wednesday night prayer in front of everyone. I've always hidden behind my personality and my belief that at this point in my life, I have very little to offer. But didn't I just speak of God's reckless love? If God can sacrifice His only son, is it really so important for me to hold back just because I don't want to be uncomfortable?
We have so much love bestowed on us and yet, we let so much stand in our way. Doesn't perfect love cast out all fear? Having this love, can we not walk in confidence?
I wish I knew the answer. It's one thing to say you'll trust God and give your life to him, it's another to actually do so. So many times, I have said "God, I want you to direct my steps. I want you to be in control," and yet so often, I find myself feeling lost because I try and fix what I don't like. I hide behind my fears and insecurities. I write instead of speaking.
Often, I am overwhelmed by the feeling of loneliness, of feeling unwanted or unloved. I retreat into myself like a turtle into it's shell. I hardly ever feel confident, remaining in my own shadow. Though I know I have this reckless, overwhelming love, I hardly live in it. But why is that? Why is that we as a species are constantly seeking worth when we already have it? We feign confidence but don't have any.
My parents have always raised me to try new things. Recently, I went with my youth group to Carowinds. I was nervous to put it lightly. I'm a ferris wheel kind of girl, roller coasters are not my thing but, I had to determined beforehand that I was going to be brave and I was going to ride the Fury, the biggest ride in the park. We walked up the stairs, got on and the ride crept slowly upward for what felt like eternity. Heights don't bother me but I was getting to the point where I was thinking that maybe this was a horrible idea. Then hell began. I wasn't sure whether to scream or throw up or cry or pass out (which my friend who was sitting next to me is convinced I did). Needless to say, I did not enjoy it and was more than relived to get off in the end. But I did it. I proved to myself that I could be brave, all of my own will.
Things happen. They always do and always will. We will fall back into old habits and slip into old emotions. Nevertheless, no matter where are in our lives, no matter our personalities, we all have the choice to be brave, to walk in the confidence of God and in the assurance of His love.
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