Do You Want to be Healed?
Even though only two months have passed, it feels like 2019 has lasted so long. I feel like I've aged so much and to perfectly honest, things have been rough. I had so many plans going into this year but it seems like every time I resolve to get something done, I get knocked down. I have spent the year so far feeling demotivated and honestly, a little depressed. This month alone has been difficult and frustrating. My plan going into February was to write and I am ashamed to say that I haven't touched my book, my blog, and I've written a total of maybe two poems. February has been most unproductive. Procrastination has always been a fault of mine and this month has been no exception. I make up all these excuses and nothing gets done.
One thing I have done this month though is listen to sermons. Honestly, it's not something I've done before but someone recommended Christine Caine to me so, I went one YouTube and picked one to watch. I've watched it twice now and I still want to go back to it. The first time I watched it, I remember wishing that I had heard that message years ago. Get Off The Mat was brilliant and when I watched it the second time, I made sure to take notes.
Her sermon is based on John 5:1-17. This story is about how Jesus healed a disabled man. This man had been lying by the pool of Bethesda in Jerusalem for 38 years. Jesus goes up to this man and asks him if he wants to be healed. What Christine points out here is that in today's culture, Jesus would be kicked out of ministry for that question. People today just want to be comforted, accepted, or justified rather than changed, healed. That resonated with me because I've been there so many times. I have looked for comfort in people and things and tried to justify what I was feeling. Even now, there are so many times when my first instinct is to sit and wallow rather than address what I'm facing. When it comes down to it, that's why this month has been so difficult. I lie on my mat, saying that I want to be healed and be happy but I'm not doing the things that make me happy. I'm not going after God, seeking healing.
Most of her message is about identity and how, as humans, we relate our issue with our identity. We hide behind our issues and make excuses to stay on our mats because we're "safe" or "comfortable," making the mat the hero. We get so familiar with our mats that we think that standing, picking up that mat, and walking, is firstly impossible and secondly out of the question. Why would we want to leave this place, this state, that we've become so familiar with? When we get so caught up in our issues, we doubt our capabilities and our capacity. Our gifts become useless and waste away.
The question we need to ask ourselves is the same that Jesus asked the man. Do you want to be healed? Are you tired of your mat? God's love is bigger than our circumstances, past or present. He's bigger than fights and mistakes and weakness and doubts and His love covers our sins countless times over. You are not fast enough to outrun His grace, try as you might. God wants to heal you and bring you out of the place that you're in but you have to be willing to let go and say yes. You have to believe that you can pick up your mat and walk.
I don't pretend to have this figured out. God knows that this has been a long journey for me and as much as I wish it was, it's not over. All I can say is that healing is worth. The times that I have let him in has been worth it, as hard as it was to let that go. God is better than your mat. As scary as it is to let go, God is bigger than your issues and He is faithful. So, do you want to be healed?
One thing I have done this month though is listen to sermons. Honestly, it's not something I've done before but someone recommended Christine Caine to me so, I went one YouTube and picked one to watch. I've watched it twice now and I still want to go back to it. The first time I watched it, I remember wishing that I had heard that message years ago. Get Off The Mat was brilliant and when I watched it the second time, I made sure to take notes.
Her sermon is based on John 5:1-17. This story is about how Jesus healed a disabled man. This man had been lying by the pool of Bethesda in Jerusalem for 38 years. Jesus goes up to this man and asks him if he wants to be healed. What Christine points out here is that in today's culture, Jesus would be kicked out of ministry for that question. People today just want to be comforted, accepted, or justified rather than changed, healed. That resonated with me because I've been there so many times. I have looked for comfort in people and things and tried to justify what I was feeling. Even now, there are so many times when my first instinct is to sit and wallow rather than address what I'm facing. When it comes down to it, that's why this month has been so difficult. I lie on my mat, saying that I want to be healed and be happy but I'm not doing the things that make me happy. I'm not going after God, seeking healing.
Most of her message is about identity and how, as humans, we relate our issue with our identity. We hide behind our issues and make excuses to stay on our mats because we're "safe" or "comfortable," making the mat the hero. We get so familiar with our mats that we think that standing, picking up that mat, and walking, is firstly impossible and secondly out of the question. Why would we want to leave this place, this state, that we've become so familiar with? When we get so caught up in our issues, we doubt our capabilities and our capacity. Our gifts become useless and waste away.
The question we need to ask ourselves is the same that Jesus asked the man. Do you want to be healed? Are you tired of your mat? God's love is bigger than our circumstances, past or present. He's bigger than fights and mistakes and weakness and doubts and His love covers our sins countless times over. You are not fast enough to outrun His grace, try as you might. God wants to heal you and bring you out of the place that you're in but you have to be willing to let go and say yes. You have to believe that you can pick up your mat and walk.
I don't pretend to have this figured out. God knows that this has been a long journey for me and as much as I wish it was, it's not over. All I can say is that healing is worth. The times that I have let him in has been worth it, as hard as it was to let that go. God is better than your mat. As scary as it is to let go, God is bigger than your issues and He is faithful. So, do you want to be healed?
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