Fight
It's strange to think that we're just a couple of days shy of being a quarter of the way through the year. Spring has started and before we know it, Summer will be upon us. I'm sorry to say that this is not my favorite time of year however, I am glad to be wearing my dresses again and I'm glad the rain has stopped (though today is a little grey). As sudden as it feels though, I am glad for a change of scenery. This year has been a little rough for me so far. I feel like I've had more downs than ups. March has been one of the better months though, I'm glad to say, and I'm at the point where I can honestly say that I'm okay.
It's hard to ignore circumstances sometimes, as well as everything that comes with them. Emotionally, I've been so lost. In my head, I know that I should just get up and walk away but all I feel like doing is lying where I landed. My head and my heart can never agree and all I seem capable of doing is fighting with myself. I wish I knew better how not to give my circumstances and emotions power but alas, it is not as simple as that. Facing what's in front of me often requires more courage than I believe I can muster.
Recently, I had the opportunity to go skiing. I was entirely apprehensive going in for several reasons; I live out my life as a couch potato and I have little to no level of fitness or athletic ability but most importantly, it sounds scary. Even having done it now, it's still scary. I have spent a lot of my life being afraid so, naturally, I try to avoid anything that makes me scared at all costs. Still, I have been raised to be brave and try new things and frankly, my mom wasn't going to let me stay home. I struggled so much in the beginning. The lesson I took was only really good for teaching me how to get in and out of my skis, especially after falling. By the time I went in for lunch, I was exhausted and frustrated, leading to an embarrassing meltdown. I was so disappointed in myself and all I felt like doing was giving up. However, one of the people we went with wasn't going to have that so she dragged me back out and by the end of the day, I knew how to ski and I actually enjoyed myself.
I don't like confrontation. I'm the kind of person to just wait for my negative emotions to go away rather than face them but it doesn't work like that. You can't control circumstances. Something is always going to come up and there will always be negative emotions that come with it. Life is just like that. Confrontation is necessary to get things done. I have to stand in face of my fears and doubts and insecurities if I'm ever going to get anything done. I can't wallow anymore, I have to fight. I have to confront the things holding me back.
One thing that I've been trying to learn for years now is self-care. Sometimes it's not as simple or pretty as getting myself a cup of tea or taking a long shower. Sometimes it's kicking myself in the butt and telling myself to get over what happened yesterday, last week, last month, last year, and actually do something with this life that I've been given. It's forcing myself up from the ground and brushing the dirt off so that I can fight. I truly believe that there is call on my life, one that isn't going to be easy. Someone at my church said that if it was easy, we wouldn't need God to do it. It would be a dream too small. If I've learned anything, it's that God is faithful and he'll be right beside me, helping me not just face my fears but fight them and overcome them so that I can say yes when He asks.
Seasons change. Sometimes the one we're in is harder than the last one but that's okay. Even if you can't do much, what little fight left in you matters. You don't have to give up. Just do all that you can do and God will be faithful to see you through it.
It's hard to ignore circumstances sometimes, as well as everything that comes with them. Emotionally, I've been so lost. In my head, I know that I should just get up and walk away but all I feel like doing is lying where I landed. My head and my heart can never agree and all I seem capable of doing is fighting with myself. I wish I knew better how not to give my circumstances and emotions power but alas, it is not as simple as that. Facing what's in front of me often requires more courage than I believe I can muster.
Recently, I had the opportunity to go skiing. I was entirely apprehensive going in for several reasons; I live out my life as a couch potato and I have little to no level of fitness or athletic ability but most importantly, it sounds scary. Even having done it now, it's still scary. I have spent a lot of my life being afraid so, naturally, I try to avoid anything that makes me scared at all costs. Still, I have been raised to be brave and try new things and frankly, my mom wasn't going to let me stay home. I struggled so much in the beginning. The lesson I took was only really good for teaching me how to get in and out of my skis, especially after falling. By the time I went in for lunch, I was exhausted and frustrated, leading to an embarrassing meltdown. I was so disappointed in myself and all I felt like doing was giving up. However, one of the people we went with wasn't going to have that so she dragged me back out and by the end of the day, I knew how to ski and I actually enjoyed myself.
I don't like confrontation. I'm the kind of person to just wait for my negative emotions to go away rather than face them but it doesn't work like that. You can't control circumstances. Something is always going to come up and there will always be negative emotions that come with it. Life is just like that. Confrontation is necessary to get things done. I have to stand in face of my fears and doubts and insecurities if I'm ever going to get anything done. I can't wallow anymore, I have to fight. I have to confront the things holding me back.
One thing that I've been trying to learn for years now is self-care. Sometimes it's not as simple or pretty as getting myself a cup of tea or taking a long shower. Sometimes it's kicking myself in the butt and telling myself to get over what happened yesterday, last week, last month, last year, and actually do something with this life that I've been given. It's forcing myself up from the ground and brushing the dirt off so that I can fight. I truly believe that there is call on my life, one that isn't going to be easy. Someone at my church said that if it was easy, we wouldn't need God to do it. It would be a dream too small. If I've learned anything, it's that God is faithful and he'll be right beside me, helping me not just face my fears but fight them and overcome them so that I can say yes when He asks.
Seasons change. Sometimes the one we're in is harder than the last one but that's okay. Even if you can't do much, what little fight left in you matters. You don't have to give up. Just do all that you can do and God will be faithful to see you through it.
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