Hello June!
I hadn't realized how long it had been since I last updated, and even though it's only been about two months, it feels like so much longer than that. We're halfway through the year now and I feel like it's gone by so quickly. So much has happened and I'm still trying to sort everything out in my head. May was a month and I don't even remember April, really. I couldn't tell you what happened.
Being halfway through the year now, I thought that I give a goals update. At the beginning of this year, I made myself a list of twelve goals. One for each month, so to speak. Honestly, I haven't really thought about them much and I feel bad about it. I was really proud of myself for making the list in the first place and excited to actually do the things I had planned. However, some of the things on my list have been worked towards, both consciously and unconsciously.
Echo is live! Truthfully, there's a lot more that I can do with it as it's only available to purchase as an Amazon ebook. My cover isn't properly formatted for me to set up the physical copy to sell and I was shocked by how much I would have to charge on Barnes and Noble just to make some money off of it so, it's not out there as much as I would like. I'm going to have to sort some things out to improve that but for now, at least, it's out there and I'm okay with it. (You can purchase it here.)
As far as all my other books and writing go, I am just as much of a procrastinator as I was at the beginning of this year. I've also hit some rough patches this year that have left me in demotivated, slightly depressed ruts. I hate making excuses but there it is. That's why I haven't really touched my stuff. I have gotten some stuff done though. I finished the second (I think it's the second) draft of one of my novels and written some poetry. Another reason why I haven't been writing as much is because a lot of the writing I did in the past came out of bad seasons. All my poetry is frankly miserable and a lot of my characters are the same. Just the place they're in, especially mentally, has made me feel demotivated. I'm at a point in my life now where I want to write happy characters and light poems and when I look at all the stuff I have, it's hard to want to get back into it, even to fix it. Still, with the arrival of summer, my life has calmed done a bit and I have plenty of opportunity to work on stuff. I just need to do it.
I don't know that I'm more confident or joyful than I was at the beginning of this year but I know that I am more comfortable in my own skin and who I am. Certain circumstances have made it hard to be happy, especially of late but I'm trying. There have been times where I've felt like all I can do is just trust God to carry me through because I can't muster any joy. However, as many rough patches as I've had this year, it's actually been really good compared to previous years. Things are going well and I'm in decent place right now.
My fourth goal has been, I think, the most successful so far. I've been a lot more open to listening to God and saying yes to him. I actually just got baptized yesterday. It's been a long journey and He's been chasing me down for a long time. It's not over yet but I'm excited to see where He takes me. If I've learned anything, it's that He is faithful. It's hard to surrender but, I'm human and it's okay.
Based on my progress with being confident and joyful, it's safe to assume that I have not made a lot of progress on focusing on the important things. It's hard not to get caught up in circumstances. I've had a rough two weeks just between life and hormones and I still get so caught up in all the chaos. I still need to get my priorities sorted.
I'm also still not as personable as I would like. Quite the opposite really, I feel like I've grown up even more. I'm at the point in my life where I'm almost too old for the youth but still too young to be considered a young adult and I don't know what to do with myself. However, with being more comfortable with myself, it has gotten a little easier for me to relax around others. I'm slowly breaking the habit of overthinking every social situation and actually letting myself be a person.
Musically, I feel like I've come such a long way. When I started playing guitar, I was honestly really bad. Really, really bad. Slowly though, I got better and I'm really happy with where I am. I still have so much to learn but I'm getting there. I've written some songs, none of which I'm especially happy with but it's a learning curve and I'll get there.
I don't really want to talk about relationships right now. My rough two weeks that I mentioned involves a mess with a friend and I'm feeling very lost about it. It feels like every time I try to broaden my horizons, I'm let down and hurt. I'm in such a weird place in my life and I don't where I fit in, not that I ever really have and I don't know where to start. Co-op is done across summer and honestly, we go to a small church and I feel like I don't have a lot of opportunity to make friends with people my age. Not that there's anything wrong with being friends with adults and kids, I would just like someone who's in the same place as me. I feel silly talking to an adult about how stressful learning to drive is or how done I am with school and I can't really talk about that with most kids. I'm very lost there. I'm praying that God helps me out a little. Meanwhile, I am getting better at being open with people, so, even though I've had some hard times of late, I think that I have made some progress. I really don't know though.
As I know I've mentioned in this post, I have gotten more comfortable with myself. I still avoid mirrors some days and hate the stretch marks on my legs or wish my stomach could be flatter but, for the most part, I'm getting okay with what I look like. I don't fully love me yet but I don't completely hate myself. That's all appearance-wise. As far as who I am, I don't completely hate that either. I'm slowly learning how to love who God made me and that's what counts at this point.
I'm still lazy, there's no doubt about that. I feel almost like persuading me to exercise would be a hopeless cause at this point. My diet is a little better though as my family is in a weird place between vegetarian and vegan, so I'm eating a lot more vegetables and not as much dessert. I would like to work out, I really would, but it all ties back to all my commitment issues. I know it's going to be hard and it's going to hurt which is why I haven't put the effort in. There are also issues like weather and menstrual cycles which always give me an out. I knew that, out of everything, this one would be the hardest for me but I still want to try.
Overall, I feel pretty good about the year so far. I hit a couple rough spots but that's just life and it's okay. I'm in a really good place right now when I compare it to where I've been. I'm sorry this post came out so long, I had a lot more to say than I knew. I would like to update soon, I'll try to prioritize that. A lot has happened and there's a lot I could talk about, so I have content. Hopefully it'll be something of substance and not just me talking about my life. We'll see. June is a new month and I'm really glad it's here.
Thank you to anyone who reads this! You're awesome.
-Rey
Being halfway through the year now, I thought that I give a goals update. At the beginning of this year, I made myself a list of twelve goals. One for each month, so to speak. Honestly, I haven't really thought about them much and I feel bad about it. I was really proud of myself for making the list in the first place and excited to actually do the things I had planned. However, some of the things on my list have been worked towards, both consciously and unconsciously.
Echo is live! Truthfully, there's a lot more that I can do with it as it's only available to purchase as an Amazon ebook. My cover isn't properly formatted for me to set up the physical copy to sell and I was shocked by how much I would have to charge on Barnes and Noble just to make some money off of it so, it's not out there as much as I would like. I'm going to have to sort some things out to improve that but for now, at least, it's out there and I'm okay with it. (You can purchase it here.)
As far as all my other books and writing go, I am just as much of a procrastinator as I was at the beginning of this year. I've also hit some rough patches this year that have left me in demotivated, slightly depressed ruts. I hate making excuses but there it is. That's why I haven't really touched my stuff. I have gotten some stuff done though. I finished the second (I think it's the second) draft of one of my novels and written some poetry. Another reason why I haven't been writing as much is because a lot of the writing I did in the past came out of bad seasons. All my poetry is frankly miserable and a lot of my characters are the same. Just the place they're in, especially mentally, has made me feel demotivated. I'm at a point in my life now where I want to write happy characters and light poems and when I look at all the stuff I have, it's hard to want to get back into it, even to fix it. Still, with the arrival of summer, my life has calmed done a bit and I have plenty of opportunity to work on stuff. I just need to do it.
I don't know that I'm more confident or joyful than I was at the beginning of this year but I know that I am more comfortable in my own skin and who I am. Certain circumstances have made it hard to be happy, especially of late but I'm trying. There have been times where I've felt like all I can do is just trust God to carry me through because I can't muster any joy. However, as many rough patches as I've had this year, it's actually been really good compared to previous years. Things are going well and I'm in decent place right now.
My fourth goal has been, I think, the most successful so far. I've been a lot more open to listening to God and saying yes to him. I actually just got baptized yesterday. It's been a long journey and He's been chasing me down for a long time. It's not over yet but I'm excited to see where He takes me. If I've learned anything, it's that He is faithful. It's hard to surrender but, I'm human and it's okay.
Based on my progress with being confident and joyful, it's safe to assume that I have not made a lot of progress on focusing on the important things. It's hard not to get caught up in circumstances. I've had a rough two weeks just between life and hormones and I still get so caught up in all the chaos. I still need to get my priorities sorted.
I'm also still not as personable as I would like. Quite the opposite really, I feel like I've grown up even more. I'm at the point in my life where I'm almost too old for the youth but still too young to be considered a young adult and I don't know what to do with myself. However, with being more comfortable with myself, it has gotten a little easier for me to relax around others. I'm slowly breaking the habit of overthinking every social situation and actually letting myself be a person.
Musically, I feel like I've come such a long way. When I started playing guitar, I was honestly really bad. Really, really bad. Slowly though, I got better and I'm really happy with where I am. I still have so much to learn but I'm getting there. I've written some songs, none of which I'm especially happy with but it's a learning curve and I'll get there.
I don't really want to talk about relationships right now. My rough two weeks that I mentioned involves a mess with a friend and I'm feeling very lost about it. It feels like every time I try to broaden my horizons, I'm let down and hurt. I'm in such a weird place in my life and I don't where I fit in, not that I ever really have and I don't know where to start. Co-op is done across summer and honestly, we go to a small church and I feel like I don't have a lot of opportunity to make friends with people my age. Not that there's anything wrong with being friends with adults and kids, I would just like someone who's in the same place as me. I feel silly talking to an adult about how stressful learning to drive is or how done I am with school and I can't really talk about that with most kids. I'm very lost there. I'm praying that God helps me out a little. Meanwhile, I am getting better at being open with people, so, even though I've had some hard times of late, I think that I have made some progress. I really don't know though.
As I know I've mentioned in this post, I have gotten more comfortable with myself. I still avoid mirrors some days and hate the stretch marks on my legs or wish my stomach could be flatter but, for the most part, I'm getting okay with what I look like. I don't fully love me yet but I don't completely hate myself. That's all appearance-wise. As far as who I am, I don't completely hate that either. I'm slowly learning how to love who God made me and that's what counts at this point.
I'm still lazy, there's no doubt about that. I feel almost like persuading me to exercise would be a hopeless cause at this point. My diet is a little better though as my family is in a weird place between vegetarian and vegan, so I'm eating a lot more vegetables and not as much dessert. I would like to work out, I really would, but it all ties back to all my commitment issues. I know it's going to be hard and it's going to hurt which is why I haven't put the effort in. There are also issues like weather and menstrual cycles which always give me an out. I knew that, out of everything, this one would be the hardest for me but I still want to try.
Overall, I feel pretty good about the year so far. I hit a couple rough spots but that's just life and it's okay. I'm in a really good place right now when I compare it to where I've been. I'm sorry this post came out so long, I had a lot more to say than I knew. I would like to update soon, I'll try to prioritize that. A lot has happened and there's a lot I could talk about, so I have content. Hopefully it'll be something of substance and not just me talking about my life. We'll see. June is a new month and I'm really glad it's here.
Thank you to anyone who reads this! You're awesome.
-Rey
Comments
Post a Comment