His Glory Alone

     Happy New Year! It's been a long time since I've sat down to write and I've missed it. Next week will be the five year anniversary for this blog, which absolutely blows my mind. I've grown a lot since my first post and I hope that it continues, even if this blog one day doesn't. For now, I'm excited for a fresh start. There's a lot of promise for this year and I'm looking forward to the adventure it will be. My boyfriend and I got engaged right before Christmas, so now I have to tackle the magnitude of planning a wedding but it seems like a silly thing to complain about. I'll be married before the end of the year to my true love, who could ask for more? I also had the absolute blessing to attend the Passion Conference in Atlanta, GA, last week and I'm still trying to process everything that happened. The worship was incredible and ever message was challenging and encouraging. I've already bought the tickets for next year but until then, I want to hold onto the desire I have to pursue my Creator and I want it to last longer than a weekend.

    Maybe it sounds silly. After all, I've been here for five years now. If I haven't been pursuing God then what have I been doing? The theme for a lot of last year that has rolled over into this one is intention. I'm human. I like my worldly comforts and to feel like I'm in control of my life. More often than not, I am selfish with my time and my resources. It's one thing to say that Jesus is worthy of it all and even believe it and another thing to live by it. Cowardice is easier than obedience and I don't consider myself particularly brave. 

    I've been scared of my potential for a long time, and not even necessarily for the kingdom of God. I hesitate with my writing. I'm over my current job but too nervous to think about what could be next. I crave success but I'm scared of it too and I'm not entirely sure why. It seems silly but that's what I've been facing for a while now. I'm not even talking fame and fortune, I could take or leave that. I want to be content with my life. I want to look back and be proud of the relationships that I had, the things that I did, the places I went. I want to do and be so much but that isn't guaranteed or even necessarily possible. Being a Christian is about laying your life down; either you're in or you're not. I'm scared of the cost, of what He'll ask of me. That's silly too because God is supposed to be worth it. I say that all the time on here but that isn't always reflected in my life.

    One of the ladies who spoke at the conference was talking about God's holiness and what it means. I hope to go into more depth about this topic soon but I have to read her book first. Anyways, to be holy means to be set apart. God is holy because He is transcendent, aka, above all things, and morally pure. We're made in His image, yes, but He's not like us. He's holy. I can't fully comprehend the magnitude of what that means. It seems so big and higher than my understanding. We can never know God's character fully but it's defined because of His holiness. He is a perfect judge because of it and He offers mercy for the same reason. We live in a culture that tells us we deserve good things and that truth isn't universal. Truth is whatever you believe it to be. God is different. His system works differently. There is right and there is wrong. C. S. Lewis's whole argument for the reality of God is founded on the subject. There is wrong and we deserve judgement for it. In Romans, Paul tells us that wages of sin is death and that we all deserve it. We betrayed God and rejected His goodness and that comes with a price. But God knew we would need mercy and that's why He sent Jesus. His sovereignty, His holiness, doesn't outweigh His kindness or compassion. Rather, it makes room for them. It is because God is holy that His character is loving. It's not a debate of one of the other. He is just and merciful, fair and kind. He cannot sin and that means that He cannot sin against us. If anyone deserves our trust, it's Him. He's the most worthy of it. The Apostles knew that. So did the prophets. We see it time and again in His word but I don't know anyone that's living it out.

    It's so easy to get distracted in this world. Success is the height of what we strive for. We have to get good grades and go to a good school so we can get a degree. After that you get a good job and then a promotion and you do it until you retire. While figuring that out, you find someone you love and spend your life with them and maybe you have kids and you want them to get good grades and get into a good school. We fill our lives with so much and strive for so much and never feel qualified for any of it. There's always something better, something more to gain or achieve. As Christians, we don't have to live a life full of sin to miss out on the kingdom. We just have to be distracted. The little things add up so quickly. And yes, those things are important. I want the best for myself and the people I love. When I have kids, I'll want the best for them too. However, I want to get the point where all of that comes second to my relationship with Christ. I want to choose and love and pursue Him above everything else in this world. And I don't know that I'll ever get there but more than ever, I want to try. I want my life to be for the glory of God alone, to follow Him wholeheartedly. I want to let go of my sin, to be all in no matter the cost because the price He paid for my life was higher.

    Our days matter. What we do matters. We have to decide if God is who He says He is. If He is holy, then why would we want to do anything other than dedicate our lives to Him? God won't force us to let go of our sin, it's up to us to choose Him. Can you imagine how much better off the world would be if we decided to reflect God in everything we did, if we actually did what His word said? Following after Jesus means laying your life down but not just so you can find freedom in Him. Our decision can affect a generation. We live in a time where we need God more than ever. We can't practice Christianity casually anymore. Either we're in or we aren't. We can transform the culture, we can make a difference. God is light, not darkness. He's worthy of our pursuit and praise and we have no idea how much impact our faith will have. 

    This is a lot to think about, I know. Like I said, I'm still trying to process what it means and where to go from here. It's scary. But God's not asking us to do it all on our own. He promises to be with us and more than that, He knows how we feel. Jesus lived on earth for over thirty years. He experienced human grief, human fear. His childhood began in hiding. He was betrayed, beaten, murdered. He wept. He didn't want to die but His commitment to God and to us was greater. I don't know that I'll ever have faith like that but I hope I do one day. For now, I just have to start. I have to put one foot in front of the other and adjust how I live my life. More than ever, I want to live for Jesus. I have no idea what that looks like and I'm definitely nervous about it but I believe He's worth it all. It's time to live like that. 

Yours Truly,

Rey