Surrender to Sacredness

     Summer is fast approaching and I finally had to pack my spare blankets away. I no longer need my sweaters and hoodies and I already miss my boots. On the bright side though, I can enjoy cold showers again and we already have blueberries on our bushes and our strawberries are finally starting to turn red. My mum has tomato plants ready to go in the ground and I'm that much closer to my wedding day. Some days it feels like there's so much left to do, pay for, and organize, and other days, I feel like we could get married tomorrow. I think we both wish we could. Sometimes I think everyone should be in a long distance relationship. You learn how to communicate, because there isn't much else to do, and to do it often. You learn how to prioritize the other person and the time you have together. You have to chance to be your own person still; your identity isn't wrapped up in another person. We've spent so much time with each others families and while we haven't been on many dates, we've spent hours upon hours getting to know each other over the phone. I don't know that I would do anything differently if I could go back. I can honestly say though that I am glad this season is coming to an end. We're ready to be together, we just have to wait a few more months.

    It's weird how quickly things change. I've never lived away from my family for longer than a couple days and in a few months, I won't be under the same roof. Everything will be different and I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around it. What will it be like? Will it be everything we've been praying for or will we have more bumps along the way than we realized? What will I be like? Will I be the perfect wife or will all my bad habits follow me there? I think we often approach salvation with the same perspective. We expect everything to be radically different with just a confession, not realizing that breaking and establishing habits is up to us. 

    The church I'm attending now is very focused on evangelism and it's a big church too. People give their lives to Jesus every Sunday and that's a wonderful thing! I believe that Jesus is the light and hope that we need. However, I don't know that people realize the gravity of that decision. I certainly didn't and I grew up in church. Our lives are so different from those of the early church and religion is comfortable. For a lot of people, all it costs is the gas used to get to church and back and not even that necessarily. The pandemic brought church to the internet more than ever before and you don't even have to go to church if you don't want to. Our walk as Christians is on our terms and based on what we want. You don't have to give up your old habits, just repeat the pastor's prayer and you're forgiven of your sins. 

    I know I've been talking about this for months now but this isn't how I want to live my life. I'm grateful not to live under persecution and for all the opportunities I have. I watched a sketch the other day about an early Christian having a conversation with a modern one. Women weren't educated for a very long time. The fact that I can not only read and write but solve mathematical equations (sometimes), study science, language, history, and art is incredible. Not only that but the Bible is accessible in whatever translation I fancy. There are twelve bibles on the shelve behind me and I have three apps on my phone that allow to read whenever I like. I have the freedom to learn and study God's word and ample opportunity and access to do so. Romans 10:9 says, "So if you believe deep in your heart that God raised Jesus from the pit of death and if you voice your allegiance by confessing the truth that “Jesus is Lord,” then you will be saved!" We hold this to be true, salvation is often verbal, but there's a bigger context that we don't understand. The early church existed during the rise of the Roman empire. Roman mythology permeated the people and culture and the church was a threat to that. Many early Christians were burnt alive at parties, thrown into colosseums to be eaten by wild animals for entertainment, beaten, imprisoned, and executed. Paul wrote several letters under house arrest and we see the disciples face similar treatment in the book of Acts, from Stephen's stoning to Paul's imprisonment. To confess that Jesus was Lord was a death sentence. What is celebrated today used to end in bloodshed. I'm not saying that it shouldn't be celebrated but I do think that, as a church, we need to have a greater awareness of what being a Christian really means before we indoctrinate others. 

    Obedience is awkward and hard. I find it difficult to talk about because I do believe that God wants to be with us more than He wants us to do things for Him but that doesn't mean He requires nothing of us. He's worthy of our service and in a position of authority but no one wants a master. We want our own independence and freedom. We want our lives to be our own, we don't want to lay them down and give up our sense of security and our comforts. But that's what God asks of us. He wants relationship and that requires communication and priority. We're called to live holy lives, to turn from pour wickedness, our bad habits, and to walk with Him before anything else. It's hard. I don't want to love or forgive when I've been hurt but God did. I don't always want to serve in church or dedicate time I could spend watching movies or playing video games getting to know Him. But Jesus came to serve us and create access to our Creator. We're called to be selfless and that's hard. We don't want to look foolish when we could fit in. We don't want to put ourselves in positions where we might feel rejection or judgement but Jesus did that for us. More than anyone else, God is worth trusting and believing in. If there's anyone worth our praise and sacrifice, it's Him. There's never been a safer time to be a Christian, at least where I live. There are churches everywhere, we can gather safely, we can talk about it whenever and wherever we like. There's nothing stopping us from being all in. 

    Yesterday, I started reading Adorning the Dark by Andrew Peterson. In the chapter Scared and Sacred, he says this: "I've always been happy to be alone. God, however, never takes his eyes off me, and on my good days, I believe he is smiling, never demanding an answer other than the fact of myself. I exist as his redeemed creation, and that is, pleasantly, enough for him.  The rest of the world though is chugging along just fine whether I speak or not. I'm the kid (and the man) who doesn't raise his hand. Whenever I do, I regret it. Better to keep quiet, to work out my rejection with fear and trembling, and to keep hunting for a safe place where I'm never confronted with my own insignificance. And yet, at war with that desire to be invisible is a yearning to be seen and known and valued." This is what we all fight with, a fear we all have. In the midst of our feelings, it's easy to forget the Holy God we serve and are called to love and live for. He made us sacred. He loves us beyond belief and His value for our lives is immeasurable, unfathomable. He calls us beloved and no one can take that away from us. We needn't be so afraid of making mistakes if we're doing it for His glory. Towards the end of the chapter, Peterson says this; "I'm no longer surprised by my capacity for self-doubt, but I've learned the only way to victory is to lose myself, to surrender to sacredness-which is safer than insecurity." 

    In Matthew 6:33, Jesus is preaching. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all theses things will be given to you too." That is the price to pay. Our comforts and dreams have to come second to our relationship with God. That doesn't mean that those things are unimportant, He promise that they will be added, but they shouldn't be our priority. It's easy to wonder what people will and do think of us and scary to face it. We don't want to be foolish. While I hope never to dance like David did in 2 Samuel 6, I want to follow God with the same passion, even if it's scary and seems ridiculous. I want to live differently, to turn away from sin, to seek comfort in the only one who's actually safe. I want my heart to be a sacred space and to in turn create sacred spaces and moments. I want God's love to be stronger than my fears and insecurities because He's worth it. Whatever the cost, it's worth it because He calls me Beloved. 

    Granted, I don't know what this looks like. It's easier to have courage on paper than to have the faith to be obedient after all. All I know is that I don't want to take God's name in vain. I've been adopted and given new life and I owe it all to my Creator. The least I can do is take advantage of that new life and do what I can to bring Him glory. Wish me luck.

Yours truly,

Rey