Ramblings but, hey! it's a new post!

     If I'm being perfectly honest, I don't want to be here, doing this. I've had a headache all day and all I want to do is curl up in bed but it's hot, I'm hot, and I have class tonight crashing probably isn't the wisest thing for me to do. So much is happening all at once and I feel lost. In all the YA books I read, growing up seemed like it was a process and one that I thought I was going through. Rather, everything seems to be happening all at once. I might go look at a house this week, one that my fiancé and I might spend the first couple years of our marriage in. Last week had me neck deep in emails and timelines and Etsy shops, stressed out about money and time and plans. Growing up seems to be rushing at me and I'm mightily overwhelmed. Forgive me if none of this makes sense. I feel quite braindead.

    That's why I'm here, more than anything else. I don't really know what to write, only that I need to. I've felt stuck for the past couple of weeks and I think it shows. I want to be brilliant and profound. I want to be a light, to make a difference somehow (though no one really reads this) but I don't know that I know how to do that. My goal in life is to love and to be kind, which is important and desperately needed, but the world needs more than that too. The abortion issue has been really big in the U.S. for the past month and I wish there was more I could do to help. Abortion is something my heart breaks for and I want to adopt one day but then what am I supposed to do right now? June is Pride Month. This is an issue I know less about because there seem to be only eggshells to walk on as a Christian. I don't think one's sexuality should be their identity but the truth is, we don't know what identity means anymore. It's just a word we use to defend our actions and emotions, it's a wall we hide behind. We're so quick to stick labels to ourselves but do we even know what those things mean? There's so much more to who we are than our sexual preferences. Speaking of sex, hook up culture is so dangerous and detrimental to who we are. I've struggled with it. Christians are struggling with it. Studies have been done on the affects of having multiple partners and on porn and while those things may give us endorphins for a short while, their impact can affect us for years. We're seeing higher rates of depression and lower rates of commitment. Marriage rates have almost halved in just a few generations in place of co-habitation, the majority of which don't even end in marriage. Relationships are given no importance and no future for the sake of living in the moment. And no one is talking about these things. 

    I don't want to stay quiet about the things that matter. People are in danger, life has lost it's value, and my being polite isn't going to make a dent in those areas. Being kind, giving compliments, smiling, those things are all well and good but they do nothing to bring about much needed change. We're living in a broken world filled with broken people and it's overwhelming. And I haven't even talked about all the issues we're facing, I've barely scratched to surface. I was talking to one of my friends a couple weeks ago and he said he doesn't call himself a Christian anymore. He believes in God but he's been hurt by the church and by people who claim to believe in the same God. There are Christians I know that support the issues I mentioned. They believe that you can and should have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want. They believe that abortion is healthcare. They're won over by what they see and hear on the news and follow the political majority. The church isn't doing enough, Christians aren't doing enough, but we don't know how go about it. As soon as we raise our voice, we're written off as judgmental and hateful because so many have gone before us and been horrible. We can't disagree without being offensive and so we say nothing and that's just as harmful.

    It is our job and responsibility to love and to be kind. We have to be a light but that means we have to be active in our communities. If we really believe that God is who He says He is, it's our responsibility to live that out. We have to act passionately on our beliefs. Jesus paid too high a price for us to sit back and do nothing. I'm still not quite sure of what to do and I have so much to learn but that's not an excuse to do nothing. We have to love God more than our own comforts and preferences and let His love permeate every area of our lives. It has to be in everything we do. We have to be sure of our identity and of what we believe. Are we loved by God? Yes. Is He worth loving? Yes. Is He holy? Yes. Does that mean He's worth living and dying for? Yes. God is worth following and believing in. I have so many questions but this is something I'll always back to: I want to be passionate about my faith and I want my life to be a reflection of that passion. I won't be perfect or even good at it sometimes but that doesn't mean it isn't worth doing. I love the Lord, I really do, and I just pray that I can give Him the glory He deserves. whatever that looks like. 

    I challenge you to do the same. Figure out what you believe and why you believe it. Learn about God and who He is, because He's worth knowing. Don't be afraid to be passionate. Use your voice and do it lovingly. Never stop showing kindness. Have courage and faith and don't doubt God's love for you and the people around you. I'll be trying to do the same.

Yours truly,

Rey