All about relationships!

     I always feel silly when I rant or complain about things. Life gets overwhelming and I have a good freak out and then everything seems to resolve themselves one way or another, of course, not before I express it to far more people than necessary. I apologize, I am trying to be joyful in this season, and I am feeling much better now. Somewhat embarrassed, but better. I don't mean to be so overwhelmed by things I know are going to work out and the emotions that come with those things. I wish life didn't always seem so big, but I am grateful for the opportunities in front of me. Today marks a quarter of a year until the wedding. My fiancé and I had engagement photos taken on Friday and I was finally able to finish and order invitations yesterday. I have plans to go shopping this weekend, after I get paid, so that I can work on some more decorations. There's still a lot to do and decide on but, after a short weekend away, I feel like it isn't totally impossible. With that said, I still plan on going to bed early tonight. I'm desperate for sleep.

    Since April, my fiancé and I have been doing pre-marital counseling, which has been lovely. I cannot recommend it enough! We've discussed what our expectations are, how we define roles, who's responsible for what and how we make decisions. We've talked about how we love, about our families. We only have a few chapters left but we'll get to talk about finances and conflict and I'm so glad that we decided to do this together. We all have different expectations and perspectives, different opinions of how things should be and I think it's important to discuss them, especially if you're marrying that person. Is a wife equal or is she a possession? Who is expected to cook and clean? Who's expected to support the family? What are your physical boundaries before and after marriage? Do you think it's important to do finances together? We can all answer these questions but if you aren't talking about these things with the person you're planning on spending your life with, things become infinitely more difficult. Communication is the foundation of any relationship. If you love or respect someone, you're going to honor them by being honest. Talk about your ideas, especially if they're different. Talk about the things that are important. Get to know that person so that you can avoid misunderstandings.

    Society's perspective on marriage and dating has changed significantly in just a few decades. I often feel like my perspective on the subject is prudish and old fashioned. I've grown up in church and most of the books I read were written two hundred years ago, so no surprise there. I believe that dating should be done with the intention of marriage and that we shouldn't date as teenagers. I believe that sex is God-given and should be God-governed. That mean keeping it within the confines of marriage and between people of a different gender. This isn't common, not even in church. It isn't talked about because we don't want to offend or force our perspective on anyone but all it's doing is hurting people. Modern dating culture sets people up for divorce. Studies are coming out with terrifying statistics about premarital sex and cohabitation and what that's doing to relationships. Divorce statistics are high and marriage rates are low. Relationships have lost their value and importance, sex is meaningless and detrimental, and we're doing nothing about it. My heart breaks because of how broken we all are. Mental health issues are higher than they've ever been and I really think that our perspective on relationships is much to blame. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for some of the changes that have happened. Women can have careers and be married, we can make money and inherit. Marriage can be for love rather than money, protection, or status. But, that's not an excuse for it to become less valuable.

    I don't know why I've been so passionate about this lately. Engagement has been hard, I'm over being long distance and attempting to plan a wedding and house hunting in an unforgiving market but it's also been wonderful. I'm excited for marriage and glad to be in love. I'm grateful for all the growth we've experienced and for the future in front of us. It hasn't been perfect in any sense of the word, there have been so many awkward moments and learning curves, but I wouldn't trade the last two years for anything. Call me old fashioned but I'm glad for my beliefs about dating. I'm glad we've been working towards marriage, not just waiting to see what would happen. I'm glad I've never been through a hard break up or had my heart broken. I'm glad for the physical boundaries we've set and genuinely never regretted waiting for marriage. It hasn't been hard and it certainly hasn't been impossible. There's been no rush and only a little bit of impatience (four months is close but not close enough) and while there are things I would change, there's nothing I regret. I love being in a relationship. I love being engaged and can't wait to be married. God has been so faithful in every season and I trust that He'll continue to be faithful.

    Be intentional with your relationships. Take care of your heart. Be open and honest with the people you love, don't let there be misunderstandings. If you've made mistakes, know that there is more grace, love and forgiveness than we could ever deserve. I've made mistakes and I'm so grateful to my fiancé for loving me still. God has never stopped being good and I pray that I can still bring Him glory. Levi Lusko has an incredible sermon (the book is even better) called "The Problem with Pineapples." This is honestly where I get most of my information from but I have done so much reading and listening from other authors and speakers about this topic. Anyways, the sermon is basically a summary of the things he talks about in his book but he emphasizes God's grace better than I can. God's grace is perfect and complete. There's nothing we could do to deserve it and, thankfully, nothing to great for it to cover. Unfortunately, salvation doesn't free us from temptation. We still sin and we will always need grace, even Christians. I need so much of it every day. Salvation means grace for changing how we live and what we really on. It means drawing a line in the sand and saying. "from this day forward.." We have so much opportunity to begin again and do things the right way. God's highest good isn't to forgive you; forgiveness doesn't exclude consequences. Love people. Be kind. Let your actions build others up. Guard your heart. Be patient with yourself. God has a plan and a purpose for your life that's bigger than you could ever imagine. He knows who you'll marry, who will love you, and He really does know what's best. Listen to Him.

    Thank you for reading my rants every week (or every other week, lately). I hope to be encouraging but I'm not sure that I have been lately. I'm working on reading more and learning more so that I actually have something worth posting, but wedding planning has been crazy. Bear with me! I have a feeling this season will be over before I know it.

    God Bless!

Yours truly,

Rey