Let love make you brave.

     Exciting things have happened this week, good things. I have a job looking after kids for a couple hours a week which is honestly better than any other job I would've found, as I adore children and have anxiety with adults. I finally finished my short story and entered it into a competition. I don't think I'll win, as the content on their site was more sci-fi, thriller, etc, and I wrote contemporary romance piece. Next time I'll have to do my homework before starting something but you live and you learn. I got a desk, finally! It's not as what I had in mind, it's certainly not pretty, but it feels nice to have something that's mine, my own space, and to be away from the dining room table. We have our first night below freezing tonight. This week I have plans to work on a pitch and cover letter for a manuscript so I can start pitching it to agents. I've talked about doing it for years but only now do I feel confident enough in my storytelling to have to get it out there. We'll see how it goes; I'm trying my best to leave it in God's hands. 

    Being brave has never been a strong suit of mine, as I know I have mentioned before. I need to think things through and that leads to overthinking. And I'm sure I've talked about this before but I feel like there's so much to explore, at least for me, as I'm not very good at confidence. I'm sure that at least some of the people who know me would disagree and I've learned a lot, enough to function, but I'm very aware of how trapped I get inside myself and I want to get better. When you overanalyze things, the get big and they get heavy very quickly. 

    Bravery can be easy to feign but hard to experience. I think more often than not, it's talked about in the context of adventure so the small things we do don't often feel very brave. We don't fight villain's or go on perilous journeys. We face real people rather than dragons and there's little that is a matter of life or death. This the real world and though there are dangers, we live very safe lives. Most of us have a home to go to, a job to provide, and few of us are actually truly alone. Courage doesn't seem so necessary in the mundane but if you're anything like me, there's a lot that you're afraid of. People scare me to the point where I tremble and feel sick to my stomach, growing up and leaving home seems impossible, I doubt myself and the people around me. My own thoughts can instill so much more fear than is necessary and it's exhausting. These things aren't all that big but they're still battles that need to be fought and that requires me to be brave sometimes. I am not always brave though and I make so many mistakes. 

    Maybe it's silly but I take comfort in the fact that Jesus was scared too. When we see him in the garden before the crucifixion, he's seeking peace and solace and even a way out. I can't imagine what that must've been like and how alone he must've felt. No matter what we face, it can never be that big or that significant. That was a perilous journey and indeed a matter of life and death. Can you imagine the courage it must've taken? I wish Christians talked about this more and with more gravity because we really don't understand the magnitude of the love bestowed and acted upon. And maybe we can never understand laying down a life for one person, let alone everyone in all of existence but we have such a small idea of God's generosity. Most of us are familiar with the verse in 1 John that talks about love casting out fear. If that love is not made perfect in us, then of course we are afraid. I dream of one day being so full of God's love that fear is impossible and I can be brave all the time. As a human being, I really don't know of that's possible. Taking every thought captive is such a hard concept to grasp and emotions are very real but I know there is so much grace and provision for us to figure it out. God is bigger and stronger than we can fathom and His perfect love will never stop chasing us down. As hard as it is to believe sometimes, we can never outrun His love and nothing can separate us from it. 

    Let love make you brave. It's easier to do things and face them when there are people behind you, supporting you, and when your confidence is fixed solely in God. Don't be so insistent on doing things alone because you don't have to be. I know that sometimes giving your fear to God can be more scary than the fear itself because of what He could ask you to do but He'll never give you something that's too big or too impossible. He's always with us and looking out for us. I feel like this expression gets tossed around a lot, especially by me, but really does have a plan and a purpose and He keeps His promises. You're not going to be left alone to accomplish something that you can't do in your own strength. He loves us more than that. Let love be made perfect in you and let it become greater than fear could ever be. Let it take over every insecurity and ever doubt you have, especially about yourself, and let it inspire confidence. You're worth more than you think and we weren't made to live in fear. 

    Thank you, as always, for reading! I pray this was encouraging, it took me a second to get my bearings but I'm actually relatively pleased with it this week.

    

Yours Truly,

Rey.