Ramblings About Time

     I come to you today very tired after a long weekend and journey. I spent the weekend with my boyfriend and his family, a five hour drive away, and after putting all my laundry in the washing machine, making myself some lunch, and giving my lovely dog a great many scratches, I now sit to write to you. I cannot promise that this will be well thought out or put together, I was trying to plan in the car but I'm tired and I'm not sure how my thoughts will look on the page. With that said, I did have a really good time. It's was really good to take some time off and be away from home and even my family. I knew I needed a break but I didn't realize how much. I needed a change of routine and scenery. I will say that I'm glad to be home and in my own space again. Maybe I won't be saying that at five forty-five tomorrow when I wake up to go to work but for now I am.

    I'm still in the same mindset as last week so forgive me if I end up repeating myself. Time is the most limited resource we have in this world and more than anything, I want to use mine wisely. I want to make the most out of each day, to live in each moment. I want to do something with my boredom and with my days. So far, I don't think I'm very good at it. I would love to go out and do more but gas is expensive and work is a reality. I get this urge this time of year especially because summer is finally ending in the northern hemisphere and it will no longer be disgustingly hot and humid and the sun won't be so bright. The leaves will turn and the air won't be as thick. I can sleep with my windows open. Everything in me wants to be out and enjoying the world, the change in the air. I want to breathe it all in and feel every moment. And I don't want that to be dependent on the seasons, though I always find summer miserable so I don't know how I shall fair next year. I just want to develop this habit now before I get there.

    I have wanted a great many things in my life and that has taught me that you cannot just want. You have to do. You have to pursue what you want because there are a great many things that don't just happen. You can fall in love but unless you put in the effort to build that relationship, there isn't much chance of that love going anywhere. You can get into college or university but unless if you don't study, you won't graduate unless you're completely lucky or brilliant. Everything in this life takes time and effort. We cannot have something simply by wanting it, life doesn't work that way. There's been a trend going around on social media called manifestation. Basically, there are techniques you can use to bring what it is that you want into fruition, be it money, a job, a romantic interest, if you can dream it, you can do it. It's supposed to be spiritual and varies from religious to demonic. I was a little uncomfortable with it the first time I came across it but as strange as it is, it's human. We all want something better, we all hold onto hope and dreams. I will hold onto and quote bible verses promising a better future and I believe in them with all my heart because of my faith in the One who made those promises. My faith is what I hold onto when I have a bad day and though I think it's a better place to look for hope than strange rituals, I cannot blame anyone for dreaming and hoping. I do, however, think it's dangerous to really solely on dreams and wishes. 

    We were not made to do nothing. We were created to live, we have life in our bodies and air in our lungs. We were created with dreams and imaginations but we can't just do nothing with them. James 1 says that faith without works is dead. Our time is a gift and so is the world we live in. I don't want to squander that. Some days I feel like I am which is why I find myself here again. I want to live in every moment and love with all of my heart. Time is what we make of it. We get to decide how we use our time and what we prioritize. We decide how we live our lives, what we hold onto and what we let go of. We can choose joy or bitterness but it takes work. Emotions can be strong and we have responsibilities. I have a two jobs, share my space with other people, work at church. I have relationships that I want to maintain and develop. Having time to just myself is limited and precious and I'm beginning to see that now and realize how important it is. We can choose the life we want to live but that means actually making a choice. We have to put in the work. 

    Dream and go after your dreams. Live in each day. Don't hold onto fears and offenses. Make the most of the time you have because it's priceless. Don't let it go to waste.

Yours Truly,

Rey