To Be Still and To Step Out

     I've had a slow start today. I work breakfast every Tuesday and normally get started on my blog as soon as I get home but it's almost two o'clock as I start this. All I really want to do is go lay on the couch and watch my current tv show. I really need to stop watching British tv because it only makes me want to move there, even if just for a short period of time, and that is nowhere near a possibility at the moment. I just love the architecture and the rain. I know this is stereotyping but I just want to have a little cottage on a moor and go for long walks through heather. I'm reading The Secret Garden at the moment and I've fallen in love with the descriptions. It's hard to be contented in my small life sometimes when there are such beautiful pictures of foreign places painted for me with words and stories. It's easy to romanticize. However, with the temperatures coming down and the colours changing, I'm hoping to go out of doors a bit more. I can feel myself starting to waste away with all the time spent on my phone. I will be glad of some change. 

    I know I've been ranting about change for a couple weeks now, and I'm sorry if it's getting a bit old. Human beings are often adverse to change when it's not in our control but for some reason, we get so excited when one season rolls into the next and we have colourful leaves or snow or flowers and warmer days or heat and water activities. We all like change when it's good and when we see the benefit. We like it when that happens naturally. I struggle with change in my life, or the seeming lack thereof. I talk a lot about the things that I want in my life and for myself but I'm not very good at making decisions for the change I want to happen. Change takes hard work and effort. They can be expensive or scary too. I don't always feel that I have the courage to make changes for myself. Backing out or procrastinating seem easier and so that's what we gravitate towards. 

    My biggest challenge now is to do what I talked about in my last blog while moving forward. I want to live slowly but I still want to live. I want to continue to learn and grow all the days of my life. To be completely metaphorical, there's a difference between staying in one place and being still. There's a difference between mindlessly scrolling on one's phone and reading a book. This is the change I want to make for myself, to make my life what I want it to be. I want to establish quiet times and read my bible every day, to take more photos of the people and places that I love, to dress up without occasion. For the bigger things, I want to be more proactive about writing and getting my stories published. I want to find a place to stay for a weekend and take trips by myself, to get to know me better, slow down, breathe. I would love to travel more, that's for certain, though the world is a bit of a mess right now. And looking at those things written down, they don't seem so impossible. Still a bit scary but not out of reach. 

    But what if that change isn't good? What if I mess up? What if it isn't everything I hoped it would be? These are questions I ask for myself all the time. I make so many excuses and they're so silly and often insignificant. Granted, some are legitimate but there percentages aren't quite worth comparing. There's a great deal we can't control or anticipate but that doesn't make change a bad thing. I'm telling myself, as much as I'm telling you, and I we all have our preferred season but there's beauty and growth in all of them. Psalm 46:10 says, depending on which translation you use, "be still and know that I am God." The translation from Hebrew literally means to let go or to release. In context of the chapter, God is addressing those who would stand against Him. The chapter beautifully describes His strength and constancy and there is declaration to end war and bring aid to those in need. Psalms in one of my favorite books because it's a book of poetry. It's more than just history, it's personal. That's what our relationship with God is supposed to be like and that's why we're called to be still. Being still very often takes conscious effort but it's a good place to begin. In order for me to step out in faith, I have to have a foundation for it. I have to know God's promises and character so that when change isn't what I wanted it to be, I have someone to turn to in my distress. It's easy to be brave when you're not alone, to face the challenges that come with growth. 

    I still have a lot to learn but I hope I'm getting there. Things are going to change, whether I want them to or not. I just want to be more intentional with how I go about my life, making room for the change that I want. It means getting up and establishing habits rather than just talking about it. It means working hard and putting in effort. We admire change so often when it's the physical seasons around us. I want to admire it in my life, no matter what it looks like at the time, and I have to be proactive about it because not every season feels good but that doesn't mean that it isn't. Growth is growth, no matter how much or how little, no matter what it looks like. 

Yours Truly,

Rey