New Creation, New Year

     It's been a minute since I've written here. I apologize to those of you who were expecting a post last week, I had to pick up a shift at work while fighting the beginning of a cold which stayed with me the whole week. I'm still feeling it a bit, to be honest, but I'm nearing the end. I also celebrated my birthday, which is hard to do when you're congested but we made do. Nothing went as I had planned, alas, but that's the way life goes and I still got to have my favorite soup and dessert at the end of it. I never imagined what it would be like to be twenty. In daydreaming of what the future would be, I've always pictured what it would be like to be married and have kids, to be a paid writer, to travel the world, or to be in my own place. I never pictured the in-between. It's awkward and I've had a lot of learning and growing up to do, that much still hasn't changed. Those things that I dream about seem so much closer but I'm definitely getting closer to some of those dreams. My life has changed so much but I'm excited for all of it. I'm grateful for my past and looking forward to my future. My biggest goal for my new year is to be more present, to live slowly. I don't want to get so caught up in the rush that I miss out on what's happening now. I've been talking about that a lot lately, it's time for me to live it.

    There's so much in this life that takes time and that can be hard. It's frustrating when things don't go according to plan, especially big things. We all have an idea of what we want our lives to look and be like but often those dreams are harder to realize than we first imagine. Life is not what I expected but that doesn't mean it's bad, it's just different. I really do believe that life is what we make of it and that's why I want to be more intentional with mine. 

    Being a Christian is hard sometimes. I'm still human and bound to my fleshly desires. To be a Christian, to be like Jesus, sometimes feels impossible. To sin, to give into those desires, is easy. It's quick and convenient and demands very little from me. However, we're called to die to ourselves, to those desires, and put God first. I'm finding that I am a very selfish creature and this is such a hard task to complete. I talk so much about life and how valuable it is. No matter what you believe about it's origins, I think we can all agree that life is a miracle. As a Christian though, I can't live it just for me. How you spend your time reflects where your heart is. What you do with your time shows what you're worshipping. And I don't know that any of us can meet Paul's charge in 1 Thessalonians 5 when he says to pray without ceasing but I want to be better about making God my priority and the center of my life. A lot of the time when I think about my life and my future, I think about it selfishly. Obviously everyone wants to be happy and successful but none of those things are guaranteed. In John 16, Jesus Himself tells us that we will have trouble. Our comfort is in the fact that He overcame the world, the same thing we're called to do. 

    When we accept salvation, we're given a new life. We're born again, made perfect and clean. In Colossians 2, Paul tells us that we're being made complete in our Creator. In Genesis when Adam and Eve ate the fruit off the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, a boundary was drawn between us and God. Jesus' death and resurrection and our acceptance thereof is what separated us from our sin and allows God to dwell in us. We begin and end in Him and I believe that's deserving of our worship. Our time is borrowed and I want to be worthy of it. I want to live separate from my sin and find completion in Him. I don't want to live intentionally for just myself, I want to live with the purpose I've been given. And while it's not going to be easy or convenient, my walk with the Lord is more important than that. Life is messy and scary and while faith gives me hope, it gives me challenges too. To be with God is worth the trouble and the time it takes. He gives grace for the times when I make mistakes and put myself and my desires before Him. I want to live intentionally for something greater than myself. 

    All this to say, I don't think it's wrong to want to be happy and to have our own dreams. It's when they take precedence and God comes second that it becomes and issue. He's designing everything for our good, meaning that we will have joy no matter what. However, if we're so fixated on our own desires and we end up in a place that doesn't look like God's goodness, we're going to be shaken. He has to be our foundation. Our joy has to be found in Him. We have to desire God above everything else because He's the only thing that can complete us. Without Him, we will be left searching and trying to fill our empty spaces with things that don't fit and don't belong. I wish I knew how to do this better but I pray that I'll get there. This is a new year, I am a new creation, and God is faithful to see me through.

Yours Truly,

Rey