Wearing a Blindfold and Running

     Before I get too deep into this, I feel the need to apologize a bit for the last couple of posts. I've been frustrated but that's no reason for it to pour over into here. I want this space to be about Christianity, about God, but lately it's been more about me. With that said, things have been a bit better. My hours at work are down significantly and while that is a bit frustrating, it's given me time to write again. I got a review on my book pitch too that's been a great opportunity to improve. I don't know that anyone gets to the point in their life where everything is the way they want it but I feel like I'm making some progress. That's the hard part about being a Christian. It's about laying your life down, not living your best life and having everything you want. It's not something I want to learn how to balance because the goal is to put God first but I still want my dreams and wishes to come true. I still want to have worldly success in my career, finances, and family. I still want to travel but those desires have to come second and I'm not sure how to do that yet. If anyone has said that Christianity is easy, they're wrong. 

    I've reached a point in my life where it feels like I'm standing still. I'm ready to move to the next thing because this is getting boring and frustrating, even with all the good things. And the point across all my blogs for that last few weeks is to do something. A lot of the time I want to wait for God's yes or no before I make a decision. It's ideal, right? In order to walk on the straight and the narrow, it helps to know what that is and where you're supposed to go. But, it's just been a waiting game for me. I don't know what the next step to take is. The longer I'm out of school, the less inclined I am to go back, even though I'm sure I would like it and be good at it. I would love to travel but the world is kind of a mess right now. I would love to move out but I can't afford it. I have so many questions about the future and I know I have so much time to do and try and change my mind if I need to but I want to start on the right path. Standing still isn't really working. 

    A continuous theme throughout the sermons and podcasts I've been listening to talk about God's grace in places and seasons like this. Knowing God's character, He's still there, and He's still in control, it just isn't what I want it to look like. However, that's not an excuse to just sit and do nothing. So often, I think we want to be selfless. I for one don't want to be asking for things all the time with God. I believe that He's after my heart and after a relationship with me and I would be uncomfortable if I was in a relationship with someone who was always demanding stuff of me. However, there's a lot that I don't ask God to do out of what I consider to be selflessness when, in truth, it isn't. It's fear and doubt. I don't always want to ask for the big things. I treat God the way I would treat a human being and therefore, I feel like my asks are a burden when the reality is, they aren't. God doesn't need my protections. He created the universe and everything in it, He can handle anything you could throw at Him, no matter how big or how small. More than that, He already knows. When I ask Him to move, He doesn't have to ask the specifics. He knows what I'm asking for and better than that, He knows what I need. That doesn't always look like what I want or turn out to be the outcome I predicted in my head but that doesn't mean that He isn't there and moving. But, He can only do that when I invite Him into that space. I do believe that He'll move regardless, that He'll pursue me no matter what, and that my faith is not misplaced, but there's power in prayer. God can change His mind and He can wait longer than we ever could. I can't imagine having His patience because humanity is a mess. I don't want to say God's no for Him. I don't want to walk away from a door that could've been opened for me just because I didn't ask.

    Last week I talked about doubts and that's one of the biggest battles I face. It's so easy to get stuck in my own head and the what if's. It's why I don't ask God for things or walk through doors that He actually opened. God's faithfulness doesn't always look like faithfulness. If it did, I don't think we'd have martyrs or persecution. We wouldn't face division in churches, government, or families. The reality is, people still get hurt, people still die, and God doesn't always say yes and open those doors. God is omniscient, we aren't, and we don't know what's best. What we want isn't always what we need. However, not asking is still a no. In the end, I think it's better to at least have tried, it's not like I lose anything. All that I can do is trust in God's character and in the knowledge that He knows what He's doing more than I ever could. I don't want to miss out on any God-given opportunities because I was too afraid to ask.

    If God doesn't answer in any way that I can discern, that isn't an opportunity to stay put. I have to keep going and moving on with my life. We're called to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). That means walking in hope, holding onto what we believe, and not getting distracted by what's happening around us, good or disagreeable. One of my favorite songs has this line in it: to live by faith and not by sight is like wearing a blindfold and running. That's honestly terrifying. We all think about what could happen or could not happen because of what we see but I think everyone's first choice would be that over not being able to see where you're going at all. We live in a world where we're told we can make and choose our own destiny. I don't want to get into a predestination debate but I do believe that God is going to do everything He can to start and build a relationship with us until the day we die. No matter where we run, blindfolded or with our eyes wide open, God will always be there. No matter how far or how fast, God's hand is never going to leave us. We're His beloved creation and He's already promised to leave or forsake us. A blindfold at least keeps us from getting distracted. 

    The truth is, as much as we may feel like it sometimes, we are never standing still. Life is still happening around us and there are opportunities to be found and given. That means living life and looking for those opportunities. Sometimes God wants us to walk through doors that are already open for us, rather than opening the ones where we're standing. Walking by faith and not by sight means picking our feet up and walking. In truth, I would rather God redirect me while I'm doing my best to follow Him than stand still and miss out on what He wants for me. Granted, I'm not entirely sure where to start in that regard but I know I can't be here forever. It's time for me to move. 

    Have such a lovely day! Make the choice to enjoy today, no matter what it looks like. Do something creative, take a break from screens. Don't miss out on what's happening around you. God made today as sure as He's already made tomorrow. Be brave, do what you can do, and rejoice and be glad in it. Live in hope, not fear or doubt.

Yours Truly,

Rey