In the Image

     Happy Lunar New year! I don't celebrate this one but I think it's fun to have a celebration in February. I like our Gregorian calendar but winter makes a slow start to the year, at least in the northern hemisphere. It wouldn't be the end of the world if we started it a month later. We had winter weather every weekend in January. I hate almost everything about summer so I try not to complain too much in the other seasons but I have admittedly been daydreaming about sunshine, warmth, and all the wonderful things that my mum grows in her garden. I like cold but the wind goes straight through you and ice is scary. I want strawberries and blueberries and tomatoes. I want to pick flowers again. I'm sure summer will be here in the blink of an eye so I'll do my best to enjoy what's left of the season but I'm looking forward to the next one. 

    A lot of debate about doctrine has come up in my young adults group. I don't want to get into it too much because it's a lot for me to wrap my brain around and while it can impact your faith and your walk as a Christian, I see a lot of it as semantics. We spent two weeks talking about Calvinism and Arminianism. I'm content with my middle ground between the two extremes but it's definitely challenged me to evaluate how I view God. In short, Calvinism believes that you are predestined to salvation and therefore, salvation is limited. You can only have it if you've been selected. Arminianism holds the opposite belief. Salvation is unlimited but God plays a very small part in your journey to salvation. Making that decision is chance, not chosen. Again, I'm not going to into this but I'm glad to know a bit more about the religion I'm practicing. There's more than one way to do this. I do believe that we should live our lives based on scripture, not doctrine, but it's worth looking into.

    When I first heard about Calvinism and started digging into it, I felt almost offended by it. It didn't fit my picture of God. I saw Him as a father and friend. I saw Him as full of love and compassion. A lot of churches hold to this picture and a lot of Christians too. And I don't think this is a bad thing! God is all of that and more. He is good! He is worthy of all praise, worth me laying down my life. He's full of grace and mercy, all undeserved. But that's not all He is. Throughout the Gospels, we see God's anger and frustration. We see His heartbreak and disappointment. He's the authority on justice and I think we tend to ignore that side of Him. Death and damnation aren't welcome anymore and while I don't think it's right to go around, throwing it in everyone's faces, I don't think we should disregard it either. We need Jesus. Choosing a relationship with Him isn't about what we can get out of it. Blessings and miracles are great. Having unconditional love is unfathomable and it's available to us. It's easy to get excited about the good things but unless you start with sin and darkness, unless you see the hopelessness and depravity, salvation is meaningless. If sin isn't real, we don't need salvation. Death is just the natural course of life and there's nothing to be afraid of. There's no comfort in that, not really. We can all acknowledge our mistakes and it's not fair to just pass them off and make light of them. Paul tells us that we deserve death for our mistakes, our sins. We deserve fire and brimstone. That's scary! But that's God. Yes, Jesus did die for us and if we choose salvation, we don't have to face that. However, if we were good, we wouldn't need Jesus. God would just be a Creator, we wouldn't need Him. His love would hold less value.

    I have made a multitude of mistakes. I have sinned and messed up. There are gaps in my life that I need God to fill. A lot of those places bring me shame. I don't want to talk about them or acknowledge them, I'd rather pretend that those things never happened. But if I do that, God doesn't get the opportunity to show compassion and grace and mercy. Does this make sense? Unless I own up to my sin and my need for new life and forgiveness, God could never be who I believe Him to be. There has to be justice for there to be mercy. There has to be anger for there to be forgiveness. There has to be darkness for there to be light. I don't want to get so caught up in my pretty picture of God that He becomes as good as a fairytale. Seeing Him for His humanity makes Him more real to me. It doesn't make Him any less God. We were made in His image and I think it's bigger than just our anatomy, if that's what He meant in the first place. Our thoughts, creativity, our emotions, everything that we are reflects our creator. Minus our sin, of course, but I think it's easy to divide our feelings and reactions into good and bad. But our anger can be righteous. Our weeping isn't in vain and we aren't alone in it. When we love someone, truly love someone, it's for everything they are. We wouldn't want to change anything, even if they are annoying at times, because we love them for who they are. If anything was missing, they wouldn't be the same person. I don't want to do that with God either. I want to have a clearer picture of Him instead of trying to put Him in a box. I want Him to be real in His perfection. 

    In Genesis, when God comes to Moses, He calls Himself "I Am." He leaves it open like that, which I love. He's everything. We couldn't put Him in a box if we wanted to. I don't want to try either. I wonder how much that says about us, as image bearers. How much does that say about our capacity to love and create? How much can do? Maybe we should stop putting ourselves in boxes too. We're exactly who we need to be, good and bad. We can't trade any of the pieces in for something we think would be better. We are. I am. With God, that's enough. He fills all the gaps and brings light to the dark places. There is no limit to His power or what He can do with us. 

    I feel like I'm all over the place today, I apologize. I just never want to lose sight of my need for God or His character. He's deserving of my trust and worthy of my love. He's wild but safe. He's kind but fair, even if His decisions don't make sense to us. He's so big, I don't think we'll ever fully know Him but I want to know Him better than I do now. I never want to forget what He's done for me or lose sight of His love for me.

Yours Truly,

Rey