Life in words.

     It has been a grey and rainy weekend which will hopefully bring cooler weather. Sometimes it feels like time is standing still here. The leaves seem to be changing everywhere else but not at home, though I'm sure that's just because change is often gradual when you're looking at the same things every day. I don't want to complain because life is good and God is still in control but I'm starting to get tired of the routine. I want to get out and live differently than I've been living. Unfortunately, I'm not really sure how. This past weekend I went and finally started applying for jobs. No one was hiring and so I didn't actually have to opportunity to apply but that's the nature of the season our world is in. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the brink of something but I don't know what steps I need to take to get there. Is a career as a writer actually realistic or should I be going to college like everyone else? What do I do if I can't find a job? I have all these doubts and knowing that God is in control doesn't give me the answers. Knowing that I'm loved and supported doesn't change the fact that I feel lost sometimes. 

    Words have so much power. I'm sure I've talked about this before but I've been thinking about it and I want to talk about words today. If it isn't glaringly obvious, I love words, I have for as long as I can remember. Both of my parents love to read and they shared that with me from the very beginning. As a kid, all I would do was read and read and read. As I've gotten older and the books I enjoy have changed, I've developed an appreciation for language and it's complexities and oddities. I love classic literature and I find it so fascinating that the authors use the same language we do but their grasp on how to use it to it's fullest is an art that we've lost to acronyms and slang. We take shortcuts with our words and our vocabulary is so much smaller than I think we realize. There are millions of words in the English language but we only use a select few. Even I am not half as eloquent as I wish I was though I am trying to be better about it. Writing is the easy part, speaking is harder, but I do hope to be better because there is so much beauty in words. The ability to communicate with one another is such a gift. Even God uses words to speak to us. He instructed many of the writers of the bible and gave words to prophets. Many people followed Jesus because of His teachings, not just because of the miracles He performed.

    Unfortunately, there can also be a great deal of pain. Proverbs 18:21 says, "Words have power in matters of life and death, and those that love them will savor their fruit." Our words matter. We have the incredible ability to encourage people and make them feel loved and important, that's what I strive to do every week, but on the flip side, I know just how easy it is to be negative and rude. It's easier to speak without thinking. I have a quick wit and a sharp tongue. I grew up in an environment where teasing was common but even if you're teasing, what you say still carries weight. Words can be out my mouth without a second thought and they can hurt, I know they can, and I'm trying to learn how to be careful. I have such a heart for people and I want to be a light, as we've been called to be as Christians but if I don't guard my mouth, I will only succeed in tearing people down. This also applies to what I say about myself. I'm so quick to brush off compliments and insult myself as a result of nurturing insecurities for so long. I've come such a long way from my worst days but I'm finding that I still have some of the same habits. After being mean to myself for so long and solidifying that image in my head, I often find that the hardest person to be kind to is myself. And perhaps the same is true of everyone, whether you've been in a negative season or not. We all see parts of ourselves that would be better tucked out of sight. We all see areas where we could do better or do more. There is a perfectionist in all of us and when what we see isn't what we wanted or expected or hoped, we tear ourselves down. 

    We're surrounded by negativity and it's easy to add to it by complaining. It's easy to exchange compliments for insults. We live in a fallen world with sinful natures and it's frustrating when you want to be kind but your emotions and habits make that difficult. When I'm tired, I tend to snap at people and my words come out of how I'm feeling more than what I know. There are moments when we can't always think before we speak. We're human and without God's grace, we will never be perfect or enough in our own strength. It seems kind of hopeless when I put it like that but I do believe that it's okay. As long as we are trying to be the light we're called to be, to be better and kinder and do everything in love, then I truly believe that God will meet us where we are and fill the empty places. We have to make the conscious effort to speak life and be intentional with our words. Don't be afraid to apologize and admit you were wrong. Check yourself when you complain. Be gentle with others as well as with yourself and don't speak in anger. Be aware of the words you're using and what they mean. Let your words bring life, whether they're grand or simple. Let love drive everything you do and say.

    A lot of this goes hand in hand with what I said last week about choosing joy. With emotions as strong and prevalent as they are, I think we easily lose sight of the power we do have. We choose how we react, whether it be with meanness or kindness, acceptance or complaints. Granted, this takes a great deal of patience, practice, and maturity. It's not going to happen overnight and there will be moments when you know you said the wrong thing or you could've handled a situation better. That's life and that's humanity. You still have the responsibility to pick yourself up and keep going. I believe that we are all more capable than we realize; we have so much worth and strength. Take advantage of your words, use them to heal and restore. In the new testament, we are often instructed to encourage one another. Speak life over the people around you and over yourself. 

    In a more spiritual sense, words give us authority. We've been given the power, with faith, to move mountains and cast out demons with our words. The same power that raised Jesus is alive in us and active. Allow Him to speak to you and through you. If you're anything like me, you're familiar with anxiety and shyness. Speaking is difficult but I believe that God doesn't make mistakes. If He's called you, He's done it for a reason. Take authority over your doubts and your fears. Remind yourself that you were worth dying for and your mistakes have been covered and forgiven. You are not an accident and you have strength beyond measure. There is so much grace in the learning and the change. As Christians, we're called to love but we're also called to fight. In order for change and reformation to come, we have to speak out against what we know is wrong. Revival has to start in us. Jesus said that if we don't speak, then the rocks will cry out. The world needs Jesus as much as it ever has and we're called to share that. The church has been quiet for too long and Christians need to step up. Now, I don't know what that looks like or even how to do it. I myself have so much left to learn but I know that we can't be silent anymore. 

    As always, thank you for reading! I hope that this is encouraging. As I said earlier, I often find it hard to say exactly what I'm feeling, I don't have the words. God, I give this to you and ask that you use it for your purpose.

Yours Truly,

Rey