To sit with time

     As I managed to catch some sort of illness this weekend and reminisced on how I normally handle sickness, I very quickly found something to write about. I don't know how it will turn out, I'm feeling better than yesterday, but being ill is... so much fun. I pray this is everything it needs to be and wish all of you well. 

    Something I struggle with is rest. This becomes especially apparent when I'm sick because I will continue to go on as before instead of taking a break and giving my body opportunity to heal. Granted, when I am sick, it's never been especially serious, even now I just have a general cold but I still devalue rest. In my day to day life, I struggle to take breaks because either it feels like procrastination or it actually is procrastination. It's hard for me to step back and do something else when I know that there's stuff I want to be working on. I still don't have a job and my short story isn't ready to be submitted but the deadline is ever encroaching and I need to work on it. Rest makes me feel so guilty, especially considering I don't have a job. I want my dream of being a writer to work out and that means actually writing. I want my parents and myself to see that making the decision not to go college was worth it. I'm in a position where there's very little for me to do so I want to make sure I'm actually doing those things. I want to push myself to do and be better every day. I want to make the most out of what I've been given and the freedom I have. When I'm not working, it feels like I'm wasting that or abusing my freedom by taking advantage of it. Maybe it's because I'm a firstborn and it's in my nature to do and act. My it's just my personality or the way I've been raised. True rest does not come naturally to me. 

    I also think we live in a culture where no one is taught how to rest. In the beginning, God set aside a day for us to rest but we live in a world and society where everything moves so quickly and just trying to keep up is exhausting. In truth, our lives are a great deal easier than they were one hundred years ago so there's a lot more time to just sit with ourselves. Unfortunately, just because we're not working doesn't mean we're resting. Rest requires intention and if you're sitting with your thoughts and overthinking, you're not resting. There's so much going on all the time that we've lost the ability to find peace in the quiet and with ourselves. We don't know what to do with our time or how to slow down. And while this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's something that at least I have to learn. 

    So, what is rest then and how do we get to that place? Learn how to sit with yourself and sit with time. I know I've talked a lot about self care and though I don't want to overdue it, rest is a part of it. It can take a lot of strength to just sit and breathe, even with your sadness and your thoughts. Rest comes when you make peace with yourself and your thoughts. And I can acknowledge that this looks different for everyone, even in terms as simple as introvert and extrovert. As an introvert, I feel the most at peace by myself. I can find rest in the dark and quiet and I know that it doesn't look the same for everyone. Figure out where you feel the most yourself and give yourself space to become comfortable there. Address your doubts and insecurities. Rest often comes with security and if you're drowning in your thoughts and emotions, you're not going to feel safe. There's no peace there. I think the biggest issue with rest is giving yourself space and permission. no matter where you are in your life, there's always something you should be doing. It could be work school, home projects, being a parent, there's so much going on in our lives. Taking a break, as I've said, can make you feel guilty and even a little careless. Often it can create more stress then doing something. 

    As more of a side note, I do want to talk a little bit about working. The Bible has so much to say about this. In Psalm 6:6-11, we see a warning against laziness. I personally have found that I often feel better when I get work done compared to when I have put it off. Procrastination is not the same as laziness but it can lead to it. It's not always working on another project when you have another one that holds greater importance, (aka me working on a new story instead of my competition submission). Sometimes procrastination is watching movies or wasting time on your phone. There's also a great deal said about how we go about our work. 1 Corinthians 10:31 talks about how our actions bringing glory to God. Colossians 3:23 says that whatever we do, let it be for God above everything else. So, I encourage you to work hard and do everything to the best of your abilities. I understand that it's easier some days than others but God asks for us as we are, He doesn't expect perfection. It's up to us to get as close to perfection as is humanly possible but I encourage you to find joy in everything you do and to give God the glory no matter what season you're in, in your working and in your resting. 

    Give yourself room to breathe. Take time to rest and find peace. Learning how to be with yourself takes time and that's okay but our world is in a season of unrest. We've been tense and on edge since the beginning of this year and it's exhausting to feel that way for extended periods of time. Find peace in the waiting with the assurance that God is still in control. Give yourself permission to rest. 

    I don't completely know if this makes sense, my brain has been a little muddled today but I have been getting better. I hope this encouraged you all the same. Thank you for reading!

Yours Truly,

Rey.