Begin Again in Love

     Happy New Year! I know we're almost an entire week in already but I'm honestly surprised by how quickly things went back to normal after Christmas. Sometimes it feels like the first couple weeks drag on a bit but here we are already. Not too much has changed, at least for me. The new year doesn't quite feel new. Don't get me wrong, sometimes we need a physical restart, but a lot of last years problems came with us and there's still so much work to be done. I really believe that this is in God's hands but that doesn't mean that we're out of the woods just yet. 

    One of my favorite quotes by C. S. Lewis is, "Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done." If you've walked with God for any amount of time, you will know this to be true. Humans are selfish and independent, we like making our own plans based on our emotions. We want to be happy and act accordingly. Sometimes we make the choice to wallow too. The point is, none of us are perfect. We want things to be in our control, especially after a year like 2020 when we lost so much. There was a lot of pressure put on our foundations and everything we thought we knew. Personally, I have been dealing with a lot of frustration. A lot has changed for me since last year and I'm wanting to make plans but I have no idea where to start. I have books that I want to write and publish but I'm unsure of where to go. My dream is to be an author but it can seem so unrealistic sometimes. Even practically, getting a job has been hard. I've done a lot of growing up since last year but there are still responsibilities I want to take on and a future I want to save for. I want to be proactive and do something, I want to make things work. With that said, I've learnt over and over again that it's really not up to me and I could never do it all on my own. More than every day, I think relying on God has to begin all over again from moment to moment. 

    I've never been one for resolutions. I've tried before to no avail and I believe that anything can be started whenever, you don't need a new year to begin. After last year, I really don't know how many people are making resolutions. There's certainly been instability and as much as I want to be optimistic about it, I don't think this is over yet and it genuinely is hard to make plans when it seems like so little was accomplished. So, more than starting something new, I want to keep going with the things that I've already started. I want to keep writing and editing and preparing. I want to keep being kind and hopefully I'll be kinder this year. I want to overflow with love for God and for others, to give my heart without being so afraid of it breaking. That means being a better daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, even just as a person. I want to keep taking care of myself and keep smiling. Most of all, I want my faith to continue growing, to keep looking for God everywhere and in everything and everyone. I want to keep pressing and praying and actually making the conscious effort to rely on God and seek Him first. For months now, I've talked about His love and His purpose and more than just talk about it, I want to be better about living it out. From the depths of my heart, I believe what I've said but I know I need to be better about letting that love in. From there, it'll be easier to be kind and joyful and compassionate because that's what I've been called to be. 

    Like everyone else, I get caught up in thinking that my call and purpose in bound up in a career or position and though I believe there is at least a little truth in that, we are called to work hard and God does place us intentionally within jobs, that's not all there is. After loving God first, we're called to love people, to care for those in need. I want God to establish faith in me and to have the courage to pursue Him in everything I do. Making the choice to rely on Him every day is a good place to start. Life is about more than big accomplishments. Last week I talked about the importance of the little things, the small victories and simple beginnings. If I look back on my life, I can see God in the things I didn't see coming and how they worked out. He's in the details and behind the scenes more often than not. I know that last year was not what anyone pictured and much as there is relief, there's also a great deal of apprehension as we go into this year. I want to challenge you to continue putting God first. We know that He's fully God but He was also fully human. You can talk to him, apologize and vent and celebrate. He's been around long enough to understand mistakes and they're already covered. Just like a new year, each day is a chance to start again. 

    Dare to believe that God is making room for something wonderful and new. He's always been with you and has loved you since before time began. I believe that everything we need for everything we're called to do is already inside of us. God has been with us, whether we knew it or not, and has loved us through all of our frustration and disappointments. Let Him become your first thought and your first priority this year. More than anything, I want to live surrounded by His love and live through that, if that makes sense. This world needs love and compassion and kindness and if that's what I'm called to do and to be, then I want that too. 

    God, help me to put you first in my life, to put you above my dreams and my plans. Make me brave and fill me with you love. Teach me to look for you wherever I go and not just to listen when you speak but to act. Forgive me for my wandering and selfishness, help me to continue in what is right. Thank you for your grace and the chance I have to start over again. Be first and last in my thoughts and in my heart. Teach me to love you. I choose to make you my priority and ask that you give me the courage to live a life according to you plan. Thank you for everything, I love you.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

    Thank you for reading! As pessimistic as I am, I really do wish all of you the best this year. I pray that God gives you peace and guidance in everything you do. Congratulations on making it through 2020!

Yours Truly,

Rey