Everything in Season

     If I can recommend anything, take a weekend and get away. Honestly, I feel a little hypocritical because even though I had a lovely weekend off, getting out of bed this morning was unreasonably difficult. I set my alarm and then unintentionally turned it off instead of pressing snooze. When I woke up thirty minutes later, I tried to read my bible only to doze on and off. I probably should've gotten out of bed, at least I would've been awake then, but as nice as it is to get away, it's also nice to come home again and sleep where you belong. Still, it was refreshing to be away. For me, quarantine hasn't been too bad. I'm your stereotypical introvert; I like staying home and I prefer to be by myself. I like quiet and routine and as a writer, being home all the time is almost a dream come true. However, everything has it's pros and cons. Air can get remarkably stale, let me tell you. As a family, we don't seem to be doing as much together and covid isn't entirely to blame for that, graduating last year also contributed, at least on my end. We don't have as much opportunity to get away from each other and that can be hard. It's hard to see things from a different perspective when you're looking at the same wall and faces every day. I know that things are still complicated right now but find some way to give yourself a break. Get some fresh air and sunshine, if you can find it. Take time to breathe.

    I don't know how to start other than how I always do, with a "lately, I've been thinking about," because I think about things all the time but I'm sure that expression is getting old for you. My thoughts seem so random sometimes though and only come together and make sense once they're no longer in my head, whether that means writing or speaking. So, one of the things that I've been thinking about a lot is seasons. This is such a stereotypical Christian expression but that's how I've grown up and it's a good term to use. In short, it means circumstances that happen for a period of time, much like how our year changes from winter to spring, and so on. We all have our favorite seasons, things we like and dislike. Something I see every winter is people crying out for spring, which I get because I like flowers and I'm getting tired of rain but I get so frustrated because I think that there can be so much beauty in winter. I love the cold so much more than heat, even if it does sit in my bones. I love the contrast between bare bark and evergreen. As inconvenient and dangerous as it is, I also love how white snow and ice make everything. I want to take joy in this season and appreciate it for what it is more than I want it to be over and done with. The same can be said about where I am in my life. 

    Two weeks ago, I talked about relationships. There's a lot that comes with being in a relationship, especially one where you are dating with the intention of marriage. I'm becoming increasingly aware of how little time I have left with my family. Granted, I'm not getting married yet but it's only a matter of time before I leave home. At the end of my life, I will have spent more time married than with my family. That's right and how it should be, God knows I don't want to live with my parents for my entire life, but I'm becoming more appreciative of the time I have. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, so this season can be awkward sometimes. We're appreciative of the times we get to be together because they can be rare. We also spend a lot of time talking about being married and how we can't wait until we can actually be together. While there is nothing wrong with that, the point of dating should be discovering if that person really is who you want to spend the rest of your life with, I have to step back sometimes and learn to be grateful for what I have now. There are times when the distance is nice, when just dating is nice. I'm glad for the time to adjust to being with someone before the pressure of preparing for marriage and being married comes. There are other times when I wish that I had waited to be in a relationship because, like being with my family, I will be in a relationship far longer than I was single. I've come to the realization that I will probably never be alone. Aside from the rare occasions when my family leaves for a couple hours, I've never been alone. I wish it was easier to appreciate the seasons you're in while you're in them, rather than only appreciating them when you look back. Being in a relationship has been a big push towards digging into my faith and my relationship with God, I cannot say that I've made a mistake, but I wish that I had taken more time when I was single to pursue God without the complications of navigating romance at the same time. I wish I had been braver and smarter in that time, though circumstances genuinely didn't allow for much. I cannot tell you how many times I've dreamed of living in my own apartment or travelling alone. Maybe it is my introversion but I've always romanticized the idea of being by myself and now I don't know if I'll be able to have that. My priorities have changed but I still have these pocket dreams that I'm not sure if I should hold onto or not. 

    That is the lighter side of seasons. Obviously, we all go through hard times that last longer than we think they ought too and appreciating them can seem impossible. I get it, trust me. When I look back, I see so many areas where I could've made a better decision and it frustrates me but the only reason I know better now is because I went through those things. Hindsight is 20/20 and though it's important to learn and grow, we can't live in the "what if." I am by no means perfect, I still have so much to learn not just as a Christian but as a human being as well. I don't know how to appreciate every season, let alone find joy in them. All I can do is try to be better every day, sometimes moment to moment. There's a song I love by Chris Renzema called "Let the Ground Rest." In it, he talks about seasons and the line that stands out to me is, "don't you find it strange that God made four seasons and only one is spring?" Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 talks about how there is a time and a season for everything. Even when I started this, I talked about taking a break, resting. Winter often looks like death and bareness, and that is a part of it, but it's a time to breathe too. 

    We're so human and I genuinely think that it's a beautiful thing to be. We make mistakes and weather storms we couldn't see the end of. We laugh and hope and dream. We love and we hurt and it's all good and it's all okay. I'm not sure what the point of this whole post was but if I can encourage you, I want to. Look for the good in all seasons. Don't be afraid to dream, even if those dreams seem impossible. No matter what you're going through, you can be happy again. The thing about seasons is they take time which can be frustrating. I don't know that we can appreciate every moment, I know how easily our emotions get in the way, but let yourself grow where you can and rest where you can. Take advantage of each season and let God bring the most out of it and out of you. 

Yours Truly,

Rey.