Let's talk about: Relationships

     To jump right in, I'm not sure about what I want to write today. That is, I believe in it and I've been thinking about it for several years now but I'm unsure of myself. Something I'm passionate about is relationship. Whether it's platonic or romantic, I think that any time you are in relation with a person, it's good and right. We weren't created to be alone. In Genesis 2:18, God says, "It is not good for man to be alone, so I will create a companion for him..." The bible is full of text talking about the importance of relationship. It's one of the foundations of what we believe, that we can be in relationship with our Creator. Today I want to focus more on romantic relationships because we live in a world where that relationship seems so belittled to me. You can do what you want with whomever you want and it's lost it's integrity and value. The reason why this is intimidating for me is because I've only been in one romantic relationship, it's still going on, and only has been for about seven months. I've never gone through a breakup, I've never been engaged, let alone married, and so I don't know a lot. I don't have much experience to speak from, some of which I'm grateful for, but this is an important topic to me and I want to start the conversation.

    First, I want to say that if you have never been in a romantic relationship, there's nothing wrong with that. I know it's hard when we're presented with so much romance in media and when there are people around us dating, engaged, and married, especially if you're younger. I'm not there yet but I know several people who have struggled because it seems like everyone around them is in a relationship. My only encouragement is to find ways to enjoy your singleness. Go on dates with yourself and with God. Make friends and love on them. I trust God for where I am but sometimes I wish that I had celebrated being by myself more and took more time to focus on my relationship with God before all the added complications and stress with being in a relationship. Next, I don't want to sound judgmental at all. I've made mistake myself, believe me, and there are a several people whom I love who have made mistakes. No matter what you've done or what's happened to you, I do believe in God's forgiveness and redemption. 

    My first piece of advice is to date with the intention of marriage. Now, this does not mean that you have to marry that person but by dating with that intention rather than dating just to date, you're honoring that person. It may sound selfish but you have to look after your heart. When you date just to date, there's no promise or commitment. This can change, yes, but there's nothing keeping you together except your feelings and those change too. When you date with the intention of marriage, you determine beforehand to love that person when hard times come, to love them when they're at their worst or you are. It means choosing to love them when you fight and misunderstandings happen rather then letting it divide you and cause you to break apart. The other side of it is, you learn what you want in your marriage and what you want in that person. You learn better how to set boundaries and you're working towards a future rather than just concentrating on the present. It's about more than your feelings. Don't be afraid to wait either. See how you grow together and in God. Learn how to put Him first in your relationship and be open to ending it if that's what God wills. There is grace in the learning and growing, trust me. 

    The more awkward subject is abstinence until marriage. Paul has so much to say about sexual immorality in his letters, specifically 1 Corinthians 5-7, and it gets very intense and honestly kind of scary. Basically, save sex until marriage. Unfortunately, this can seem like one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't subjects. I'm honestly grateful that I've been as sheltered as I have been because it's safe. I can't imagine what it's like to be in school where, if YA fiction is anything to go off of, people do it and talk about it relatively often. There's a lot of pressure to go all the way with someone and I'm sorry for that. When you're in that kind of a relationship, even one with the right intentions, those temptations are real. If you are dating with the intention of marriage, it'll be easy for someone to say that there's no point in waiting because you'll be with that person anyway. So, why wait then? If someone isn't a Christian, how do we defend ourselves with more than just "because the bible says so"? From a more practical perspective, going that far with someone is always something that has scared me. I am insecure about my body and I don't know that I'm ready to see someone else's, let's be honest. I also don't want to be that vulnerable with someone until I am married, it feels safer that way. I know that marriage isn't as sacred as it used to be, and while divorce isn't cheap, it's not that hard to get. The point is, marriage is a promise. There's accountability and commitment and I'm sorry but until I have that, I don't want to be intimate with someone. I can't just give myself away like that. Maybe it's selfish to say but I really think I deserve better than that. I also want to honor my husband by waiting, to be his alone. When I'm joined to someone, I want it to be permanent. The other side of it is, if you can't set and keep boundaries while you're dating, how are you going to do that in your marriage?

    As a side note, I want to reiterate that this is not a judgement or condemnation. I believe so passionately in God's grace and mercy and goodness. Romans 8:1-2 says, "Therefore, now no condemnation awaits those who are living in Jesus the Anointed, the Liberating King, because when you live in the Anointed One, Jesus, a new law takes effect. The law of the Spirit of life breathes into you and liberates you from the law of sin and death." Last week I talked about becoming a new creation. God's forgiveness is perfect and eternal and while that doesn't undo our mistakes or permit us to keep making them, it does mean that we don't have to live in shame and regret and brokenness. It shows us that we are loved, no matter what. 

    Relationships are hard but I truly believe in their importance. Being alone is lonely. Be intentional in your relationships, platonic or romantic. No matter where you are, I pray that God is with you in this season and that He places people around you that need to be there. Most of all, let your relationship with God take precedence over your relationship with anyone else. I'm sorry for rambling on and on but being in a relationship now, I'm learning a lot and figuring out what's really important in that. I hope I could offer at least a little wisdom. There's more that I could say but I think I've been on this particular soapbox for long enough today. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

Yours Truly,

Rey