Placing your fleece in faith

     Hello again! Forgive me for being late. There are many situations where being late stresses me out but I'm willing to make an exception on here. Work has slowed down a bit, though perhaps it's too early to say. I worked six days a week every week in April. My manager does give me at least two days off a week, I promise, I just can't say no when they need someone to fill in. I get in my head and worry about them being shorthanded or that someone might have to work twelve hours. It feels selfish to say no to something that I'm capable of doing just because I don't want to do it. I'm slowly but surely getting over that, I'm beginning to learn that rest is important, and I'm also finding things that I want to do and wish I had more time for. I need space to do the things I need to do. That's part of the reason this is late. The past couple times I've written my blog after two days of eight hour shifts, specifically breakfast-lunch shifts, my thoughts haven't been as collected as I would've liked. In my life, my goal is to do everything with excellence, which I'm not very good at yet, but it's something I really want to work towards. While being a day late isn't excellent, I want the work I put out to be the best that it can be and I can't do that after two full shifts when I barely have time to be home before I have to leave again. Does that mean I should work on these ahead of time so that they would not only be worth something but on time? Maybe. Balancing life and work is harder than I thought it would be. You don't realize how big and long life is when you're a kid, it's just not something that you think about, but there's so much of it and it's easy to feel like I'm not taking advantage of everything.

    I don't know if I talked about this yet but the other day, I was listening to a podcast with Natalie Grant on it and she said that you shouldn't have a plan B. Living for Christ should be your plan A, no matter how it works itself out. If you have plan B, a safe route, like studying something that will guarantee you a job rather than what God put in you or what you want to do, the likelihood is, that plan B will become your plan A and God becomes second rather than first. Does this make sense? She said it better than I did but it's something I've been stewing on since I heard it. This plays so much into the questions I've been having about my life for the past couple of years. Do I go to college and if so, what do I study? Is being an author a legitimate career or do I just go get the phlebotomy certification that my mom has talked about? If being an author is what I want, do I study English? But if that doesn't work out, do I want a career in English? Do I even need a degree to write? If you've been reading this blog for any space of time, I'm sure you've read the rants that I post on here and I'm sorry for bringing it up again. Unfortunately, those questions are still very present for me. 

    As far as plan A goes, I don't entirely know what that looks like. Obviously, it means going to church, praying, and studying my bible but there are more ways to pursue my relationship with Him and His plan than just doing those things. I don't think I'm a writer for nothing. Passions can be learned, I've grown up in a family passionate about words and books but that was just a place to start. I've been writing for almost 8 years now, that's pretty much half my life. I think I'm good at it too, not the best by a long shot but I've grown so much and I'm more confident in my written words than I ever have been. I'm excited to keep growing and improving but I'm genuinely happy with how far I've come and with what I do. Is this how I bring glory to God? Is this what He wants me to do? He hasn't told me that yet, which is okay, I know that I have so much life to live and "success" doesn't have to happen now but I want to know that I'm on the right path.

    An analogy that I use a lot, which is honestly a bit questionable, comes out of Judges 6. Gideon is approached by a messenger of the Lord and instructed to deliver God's people from a force far more powerful than the Israelites believed themselves to be. They had been in hiding in the land of Midian where they were overpowered and had become impoverished. Gideon, whose family was the weakest in their tribe and who was the least of his family, was hiding in a winepress when the messenger finds Him. He's told that he's been chosen to deliver the people, which he protests greatly to, making all sorts of excuses. At last, he grabs a piece of wool and says, "so that I can know if it's true that You plan to use me to rescue Israel, I am going to lay out a wool fleece on the threshing floor. Tomorrow morning, if it is wet with dew while to floor around it is dry, then I will know you are going to use me to deliver Israel, as you have told me." God proves Himself faithful and does what Gideon asks but that still isn't enough. He asks that the next morning, the wool be dry while the ground is wet. Once again, God is faithful. 

    Sometimes I wonder why God didn't just walk away and find someone who could say yes right away. He always chooses the difficult ones, like Gideon and Peter and me. Then I remember that when He sent Jesus, He didn't send him for a select group of people; He sent him out of love for the whole world. He doesn't pick favorites. His forgiveness and plan for you is there, whether you want it to be or not. Maybe you feel overwhelmed because you know God's plan or because you don't, that's okay. That doesn't mean that His plan for you, His purpose for you, is a mistake. You're His plan A. 

    When God seems quiet, I just have to keep going. Gideon put the fleece out in his doubt but I think that we can do the same thing in faith. God has placed something inside of you, a passion or a promise, and He will be faithful, but that doesn't mean that we get to sit back and watch. We have to do what we can do. I've said it before on here, I can't be a published author if I'm not writing or pitching. Our Christianity is reflected in what we do and how we live. Sometimes that means waiting for God's timing, other times it means putting your fleece out in faith and letting God take you to where you need to go. And if you are wrong, He'll be faithful to put you on the right path again. I still struggle with this but don't let what you perceive to be God's silence hold you back from giving Him glory with what you already have. Prove yourself faithful in the little things while you wait for God to prove Himself faithful in what He has for you. 

    If anyone is interested, the podcast I listen to is "Whoa, That's Good" by Sadie Robertson. She always has such good stuff and I've been really enjoying her passion for God and for people. If you have any Christian podcast recommendations, please let me know!

    I wish you all the best!

Yours Truly,

Rey