Such a time as this

     Things have changed all of a sudden, and it's not a bad thing, I'm just waiting for it to set in. When things happen to you, it often feels gradual. You know what it's taken to get to that point, you've lived it. When something happens around you, it's a different story. You see the cover and the synopsis but you don't know that story, you haven't lived it. That's what growing up has felt like. When I graduated last year, things were different and I knew they would be. Even now, I can see the process of how I've made it to where I am. My sister turned eighteen, graduated, and headed off for the summer and it's weird. I wasn't really apart of those decisions and that process and now life is going to be different for a while. It's not a bad thing, not in the least, but my childhood is ending more than it already was, if that makes sense. We've spent so long at home and now it's only a matter of time before we all leave. Part of me feels like I will never quite grow up until I take that step but I don't want to, not yet. I'm okay with change when it comes gradually and I can adjust to each thing in it's time. Packing up to leave seems sudden. Granted, that's not something I could afford right now, maybe if I worked full time, but it's something I wonder about. I'm in a weird spot where I want to grow up, to be independent, but I'm also grown up enough to realize that being where I am is actually a blessing. I know that independence has it's faults as well as it's virtues. 

    Over the weekend, I had the same conversation with several people and then yesterday's sermon at church followed a similar trail. Because I keep so much to myself, I really don't have friends, it's very easy to feel like I'm doing everything alone. I don't know if what I'm thinking makes sense or is practical. That's why I tend to repeat myself so often on here, I'm trying to figure things out. I'm not always looking for confirmation or agreement, if I'm wrong about something, I might be upset for a while but it really is a chance to learn and I'm grateful for that. I will admit though that it's nice to have people tell me that I'm okay and that just because the choices I've made are different from the people my age, that doesn't mean that they're entirely wrong. With work being crazy, I haven't been able to write as much as I really would like to but that doesn't mean that I'm doing nothing. I think it's easy for us to choose one thing as our passion or specialty, something that's our biggest dream, something to hold onto, and when we aren't doing that thing, it's easy to get down on yourself. Should I be prioritizing writing more? Honestly, yes, but that doesn't make what I'm doing now unimportant. Jesus was a carpenter too. Peter was a fisherman and Paul made tents. God called them for much bigger things but that didn't make working a bad thing. What you're doing now isn't unimportant or insignificant. 

    Two weeks ago, I talked about the seasons in between seasons, times when it feels like you're waiting. I know how quiet God can be sometimes, especially when it comes to calling and timing. He won't always give you the answers you want but He will show you that you're not alone and that He is listening. That's what this weekend was for me. Just because something big and grand isn't happening doesn't mean that the little that goes on is unimportant. Change can be gradual as much as it can be sudden. It's okay if what you're doing now isn't permanent, whether you want it to be or not. It's okay to wonder if there's more to life than what you're seeing and experiencing now. I promise you there is more but it doesn't have to be now. Life is so miraculous and there is so much to do and see but that doesn't mean you're missing out if your dreams aren't happening now. Just keep going, do everything with excellence and for the glory of the one who created you. Let the seasons change in their time. God will never cease to be there with you and He won't let you down. Sometimes following God is like driving a bumper car and you just have to keep going until you bump into something. Another analogy I've heard a lot of lately is that sometimes the light is green until it turns red. That's the point of seasons, they change. You can't necessarily wear the same outfits in winter that you do in summer and that's not a bad thing. Perhaps I've made too many analogies, I hope this makes sense. 

    One of my favorite bible verses is Esther 4:14 which says, "Perhaps you have been chosen for such a time as this." Times were crazy and what Esther was facing was bigger than anything she had ever faced before. The freedom of her people was at stake but so was her life. I'm grateful to never have faced anything as enormous as that but that verse always stands out to me. I have been chosen for this time, not just for something big that might happen in my future. I've been chosen for today, for such a time as this and you've been chosen too. 

    Keep going. God will speak to you in some way to let you know that you are where you need to be. And I know I say this a lot too but you really aren't alone, as often as you feel like it. God is able to hear you when you ask questions and cry out to Him because He's close and He will always find a way to show you just how much He cares for you. In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about worrying, something I do all the time. "Look at the birds in the sky," He says. "They do not store food for winter. They don't plant gardens. They don't sow or reap-ant yet, they are always fed because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are even more precious to Him than a beautiful bird. If He looks after them, of course He will look after you." In verse 28, He continues. "...Consider the lilies of the field and how they grow. They do not work or weave or sew, and yet their garments are stunning." It's easy to start trying things in our own strength and look for ways for things to work out but that leads to so much frustration when things don't happen the way we hoped they would. God has made promises and He is more than faithful to keep them. Remind Him of them and remind yourself. It's important to let Him remind you too that He is working everything for good. 

    Thank you, as always, for reading. I hope this was able to encourage you today and I pray that God will continue to use my words. 

Yours Truly,

Rey