Surrendering control

     Every time I start this I want to say good morning or good afternoon but as that isn't always accurate, I'm never certain of what to say. Jumping in seems so sudden, which is why I often open with a nothing paragraph. I genuinely had no idea what I was doing when I started this, I still don't, and I honestly don't read blogs so I have no point of reference for these. Is it a bit late to be questioning my composition? Who knows. With novels, all you know about the the author is the short bio in the back and it seems so impersonal for something that potentially meant a lot to you. A lot of the writing I do is for myself but I do hope it can make an impact somewhere, somehow, and I want people to know I'm human too. When we put people on pedestals, it's easy to feel alone, to feel like we're the only people who make mistakes. I don't know how many revisions or rejections it took before a certain author was published. I don't know how many times they felt like giving up, how many times they've scrapped their work because it wasn't what they needed it to be. So why do I compare my work, which I've seen, to such a small part of a process I could never be a part of? 

    In the Gospels, we see the Pharisees and Sadducees, the keepers and teachers of the law. They are largely responsible for Jesus' death, though mob mentality didn't help (Luke 23:13-25), and an annoying part of Jesus' ministry. So often, they're painted as antagonists but I've been hearing a lot of sermons talking about how we're just like them. In the old testament when the Israelites were captives in Babylon, it was the Pharisees who were responsible for keeping the teachings of their ancestors and reminding the Israelites that they were still God's chosen people. Their job was vital. Did they need to add so many rules? Probably not but they were in a strange land, things were different, and they were doing what they could to survive, to keep their people intact. Of course they were going to be upset when Jesus came and broke those rules! Aren't we just like that though? We only accept change when it's what we want it to look like or we're in control. As a Christian, trying to walk out our faith, it's a weird position to be in. We're human. Making the decision to follow Jesus really is a journey. I have to make that decision all the time and sometimes I don't. I'm scared of what it means or what it could look like. To a certain extent, I'm comfortable where I am. I don't want to be here forever but when it's time to move on, I want that to be my decision. I want change to be on my terms but God doesn't work like that.

    In April I talked a little bit how we tend to put God in a box. Sometimes we need Him to be a healer, which He is, but what happens when that season is over? There are seasons where we need God to provide and make a way and other seasons where we need to go out and do the job ourselves. We'll get so stuck though if we're just waiting for God to be what He was in a season that ended. God doesn't change but your picture of Him needs to. If God is limited to being a healer, what are we going to do when we lose someone? If He's limited to being a provider, how will we view Him when a global pandemic comes along and we lose a job or business? God is a healer and a provider but that isn't all He is. I think we also have a picture of two extremes; God is either a kind and compassionate shepherd, one who leads us into green pastures and beside still waters (Psalms 23 1:1-2) or He's an angry man in the sky wanting to shoot lightning at us every time we do something wrong. Now, I don't believe the latter to be the case; until we die, there is unlimited grace, but the wages of sin is death. He's full of justice as well as mercy. He works everything for our good but that doesn't mean we'll never face evil. He's so much bigger than we give Him the opportunity to be and I think that's what happened to the Pharisees. They knew the scriptures well, that was their job, so when a man claiming to be the messiah came along and didn't look like their picture, didn't follow their rules, they arranged for his death. 

    In this day and age, I doubt any of us would want to go to those extremes. I think we can all agree that killing someone just because we disagree with the way they're doing things is a tad bit dramatic. That said, we do get frustrated when things aren't what we wanted them to look like. This blog is full of those frustrations. We get angry and hurt so easily when things don't go how we would have preferred. I think that's a part of why people stray from Christianity. Prayers seem unanswered, not listened to, and our picture perfect future never comes to fruition. We may not sentence a man to death but I think there are opportunities and relationships that die when we choose our own will over someone who most assuredly knows better than we do. Dreams die, we make mistakes that we don't need to make. What do we put to death when we choose our own stubborn nature over surrender of things we could never control in the first place?

    Christianity has a cost to it and it's scary. There's a great deal that I never want to face or deal with that I might have to every time I make the decision to follow Jesus but I think it's costs more not to. I have no wish to be hard hearted. I don't want to be so stubborn that Christianity is just a title. I want to be like Jesus, to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God. I don't want to be like the Pharisees and Sadducees, so stuck inside my head that I miss out on so many opportunities to love and to be a light.

    I know that saying that God has a plan and a purpose can be redundant and ambiguous but I truly believe that when we make the decision to live according to His purpose, He really does work everything for our good. Even we can't see things working out, they always do. It's a process and we can only see a little bit of it at a time but that doesn't mean that God isn't there and that He isn't faithful. However, He's a gentleman, He won't force you to do something you don't want to do. We have to let go, surrender our sense of control to someone who does, in fact, hold the world in place. 

    I'm sorry this is so late! I started it on time, I promise, but I didn't finish it when I needed to and when I sat down to work on it again, I could not for the life of me remember what the point of this was. I honestly still don't. I'm sorry for the quality of this post! I hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit and got something out if it. I hope it was worth the wait. Thank you for making it this far!

Yours Truly,

Rey