Life Advice and Book Recommendations

     Days after I stripped my bed of it's extra winter blankets because it was almost eighty degrees, the cold rolled back in and I have been cold since. I have only replaced one of the blankets and live to regret that decision every evening when I go to be but not enough to fix it. Such is life, I suppose, but there are worse things to regret. My blanket and tea and fluffy socks seem unnecessary and then I look outside where the sun refuses to shine and I am glad for all my things, though I'm sure I look like some form of goblin. I love the cold, as you all well know, but I am desperate to sow seeds in my garden. I spent several hours in it last week weeding and putting down a new layer of mulch but I can't sow anything until the end of April, because that's when our last frost date is supposed to be. For now, Daffydowndilly's, snowdrops, and my pink hyacinths have been replaced by tulips. It looks almost like autumn here because the trees are covered in red and yellow blooms. Thankfully, I do not have allergies but I do feel sorry for my car which is turning green with pollen. The world is blooming again and before long, I won't be able to be a blanket goblin that rummages through cupboards for tea and biscuits. 

    I've been enjoying the holiness trend and am grateful for something steady to write about but I'm thinking of changing it up a bit, at least for today. The next chapter talks about moral purity, something I am very passionate and long winded about, and something I'm not sure I want to tackle at the moment. I've spent probably too much time this week on my phone, watching videos that make me hate my room because I'm broke, I share with my sister, and I don't have any antique furniture. I don't know what it is about the changing of seasons that always gets me stirred up and unsettled. I want change in my own life and I'm impatient for it. I want my life to look and feel romantic and quite frankly, it doesn't. Granted, I'm not sure what it means, what I want, or how to achieve it, but I do want something different. Perhaps this is the lot of young adults, perhaps I read too much classic literature, but here we are. 

    I had two appointments for my car last week so, I of course grabbed a book off my shelf and brought it with me. In truth, it had been a while since I had read a book, other than Holier Than Thou, which I haven't finished yet. My younger self would be so disappointed in my. I have a job and a drivers license, I could go out and buy as many books as I like and I only work part time so there are still plenty of hours in the day that I could be reading. I still love it, that will never change, but I had honestly forgotten how much. Once I was thoroughly invested in my book, I wasn't content until I had finished it. It made me feel human again, and not just because the book was brilliant (if you haven't read The Gurnsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, I highly recommend you remedy that). It felt like I had a piece of myself back that I didn't know I was missing. I know I have to tendency to over-romanticize my life and how I want it to be. And I watch videos on YouTube of people doing more than me and having more than me and I envy it. 

    Vanity is something that I struggle with a lot. I want things to look a certain way and when something isn't what I wanted it to be or pictured in my head, I get very disheartened and frustrated. It's the same with my faith. I want to be the person that studies and highlights scriptures in my bible and writes down lots of notes in a journal. So far I have not been that person. I don't like writing in books that aren't meant to be written in and I find highlighters to only come in obnoxiously bright colors. That isn't me and I feel like it should be because that's what's all over Instagram and Pinterest. 

    Curled up in bed, reading my book like I used when I was a kid made stop and think. My life is my life. If I don't like something, it's up to me to change that. If things don't change, that isn't a reason not to enjoy the life I do have. Maybe this is obvious to everyone else it's something that I knew deep down but it was an important thought at the time. Christians nowadays talk all the time about how God has a plan for your life and how He's going to do big things through you. It's all very self-centered, there needs to be reformation in the church, but that's another conversation for another time. We live in a very individualistic culture. The emphasis is put on me, myself, and I. When I'm unproductive and the space I live it doesn't match what I see on my phone and my life feels like it's going nowhere, it's very easy for me to feel like I am not enough and I'm not doing enough. I'm sure this is a common for today but it can get very lonely. I forget that I don't have to do anything impressive and big. If reading in bed makes me happy, I need to do more of it. If puttering away at my keyboard and doing my best to write what I'm thinking about and going through and feeling, then I believe that God can use it. Anyone can do these things. I don't think that they will have that big of an impact on the world, and while I believe that God has gifted and graced me to have a passion and skill with words, I don't think that means He chose me specifically to sit here and write whatever random thoughts come to mind. I believe He can use me but I believe that He's big enough that He doesn't need me to accomplish His will in the earth. It's up to me to just do what I can do and live a life that hopefully gives glory to Him. I want to be content in the season I'm in now without worrying about what the next one will look like and what I'll do if it isn't what I had hoped for. I know that my life will never be perfect but I do think that it can be good and beautiful. I don't have to impress anyone or do something special. 

    We were created holy. We were given all we needed and we're made perfect in Christ. Obviously, we have to walk that out but we're completed in Him. I don't have to do anything big or important. I just have to love, to be generous, to have joy, to be kind, and to be grateful. This is something I will have to remind myself of all the time but I wanted to write it down because it's important to change your perspective sometimes.

    As more of a sidenote, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a lot out of life an striving for something bigger. I think that we're supposed to dream and pursue those dreams. It's okay to want nice things and to want your life to be beautiful. God does call individuals, we see that with the prophets in the old testament and the disciples and apostles in the new testament. However, we cannot live our lives waiting for things to fall into place before we take advantage of the lives we do have. You can serve the Lord without a specific calling. You can pursue the dreams you have and make the most out of life. Live the life you have now. Love God and follow Him now and that will lead to your calling or at the very least, journaling and highlighters. Do what you're good at and what you love and strive to do it well. God cares about who we are, not our success, not what our home looks like, not where we've travelled or how much money we make. God cares about you, period. Live your life like that.

Yours truly

Rey