Bravery and Magnificence

    This past week, I decided to take on a big sewing project. A couple years ago, my mom bought me a vintage sewing pattern for my birthday because I was getting really into vintage fashion and thought making my own skirt was a brilliant idea. That pattern sat in my drawer for maybe two years. Last week some time, I was watching videos on YouTube and felt the sudden motivation and desire to finally make this skirt, and I had just been paid for babysitting, so that worked out. I bought the fabric and started working on it on Thursday. 

    Needless to say, things have been quite adventurous around her and I'm convinced that my mother is one of the best people alive. I've never sewn anything before, save for a couple scrunchies, some masks, and a flag, not to mention I've never followed a sewing pattern. It has been a steep learning curve, to say the least. The fabric itself took a lot of time because you're not supposed to tumble dry linen and it has to be damp when you iron it. From the first moment I laid the pattern pieces on the fabric, my mom told that it was wrong and I needed to try again and I had to reset the pieces so many times, even after I thought I knew what I was doing. I didn't get as much done the first day as I hope I would but, it was going somewhere, there was the beginnings of a skirt on my bedroom floor and I was excited. 

    Thankfully, I got so much more done the next day but, it wasn't easy. Everything was going so well and then something unrelated to the sewing project happened and I broke down. My mood completely spiraled and I felt so unbelievably lost. That happens a lot, granted, it just hurts more when things had been going well and I was for once in a very good mood. Except for that incident, my week has been absolutely lovely. I've done so much thinking and praying and creating. I've spent time with friends and laughed. I felt sure of things, which is rare for my overthinking brain. 

    My project isn't quite finished yet but I'm doing okay. Working has always been an easy way for me to switch my brain off and settle again. It's a way for me to steady myself and maybe that's why writing comes so easily to me, especially after a bad moment. Granted, what I write in those moment isn't  worth anything other than my peace but, sometimes, that's all that matters. 

    I've always believed that we were created to create. God is artistic and poetic. He's intentional with colors and sounds and personalities. We were created to work and be productive. That's part of why this time has been so hard for so many. We're used to being busy and doing something with ourselves. This waiting has gone on far longer than anyone wanted.

    Find something to do and do it. Write a poem, doodle, bake or cook. I can't recommend sewing just yet, unless you have some help. And I know it's easy to get stuck in your head and insecure. Believe me, I did a really good job convincing myself that nothing I did was worth anything that unconvincing myself has been a chore. Is my dress perfect? Certainly not. Does my writing always have purpose and make sense? Also no. But you know what? It's okay. Sometimes just getting up and putting one foot in front of the other is all you can do and it's worth it. God is big enough to work through your bad days and make something out of you. Art and creating is, I believe, an act of worship. It's taking what God's given you and presenting it back to Him. It's learning and growing and sometimes it's the bravest thing we can do. It's not unimportant, even if it seems silly and pointless. Do what you can to make a difference. It may not seem like much but sometimes just sitting quietly with a friend is enough for me to learn how to laugh again after a hard day. You can be brave and magnificent, I promise. 

    What you do matters. And I know how hard it is to make the most out of each to and to live your life to it's fullest. Things turn out differently than how you expected them to or never happen in the first place. You get let down and hurt. Let those moment have their perfect work and turn around and just do your best. It doesn't always have to be a lot. I know I've said that a lot already but genuinely, just making space for God to make a way and give you the strength you lack is more than enough. 

Thanks for reading! I know I'm all over the place again.

Yours Truly,

Rey.