Here's to hope

    C.S. Lewis said, "Relying on God has to begin over again each day as if nothing had yet been done." Each day has to be taken in turn. Logically, there's nothing we can do about the past and our futures are so uncertain. All we have is the day ahead of us. That's why God's mercies are renewed every morning. It's so easy for me to get caught up and lost in stressing about the future and regretting things that I've done, that I lose sight of how big an opportunity a day is. Every day I have the choice to do my best, to choose joy, to be the best friend, sister, and daughter that I can be. I also have the choice to wallow and be miserable, to procrastinate instead of getting anything done. Granted, sometimes it's much easier to choose the latter. Emotions can be rough, more often than not. I'm a living example of that and it's unbelievably frustrating. I spend so much time wishing that I was happy, that I could stop feeling so lonely all the time, but never doing anything about it. I just sit and wallow. My emotions get the best of me more than anything else does and I become my own worst enemy again and again. 

    And in those moments, it is hard to take a step back and evaluate what's going and why I feel the way I do. I like to use the word "drown" to describe it, because it genuinely feels like I have no room to breathe. All this week and last, I've been listening to worship in an effort to get my eyes off of myself and the worries and chaos around me. As often as I center myself and hold onto the promises that God has for me, I'm going to have to do it tomorrow and the next day and the next. I'm always full of doubts and questions but you know what? It's okay, at least, that's what I'm learning. In our best efforts, we will never be enough. We have to make room for God to come and meet us where we are. We have to make the decision to rely on Him repeatedly and there is grace for the moments when we don't or feel like we can't.

    I wish it was easy. I have found some peace but, I still have concerns and dreams that I'm afraid won't come true. I still get caught up in day-to-day circumstance and hormones and emotions. But, we aren't alone. God has placed people alongside us to encourage and build us up when He's silent. He's also there the open windows when a door has been shut, to speak to the deepest parts of us and love the darkest. As difficult as it is to let go, as often as I'm afraid or unsure, His path is ultimately the one I want to follow and I trust him to give me the strength to pursue it. There is peace to be found when He has room to move. Fighting is hard, drowning is hard, but, I trust that God can perform miracles inside of me and around me.

    Steady yourself. Take a moment to fall back into the arms of the one who created you and who loves you more than you can fathom. There is a great deal to be said about fixing your eyes and as repetitive as it can get, there is a great deal of merit to those words. Change your focus. The same power that rose Jesus from the grave is living inside of us and because of that, we have the ability to shift atmospheres and change mindsets. Admittedly, that can be a lot for one day. Just, take time to do your best, to live the way you've been called to. Even if it's not much, your best is all God asks of you.

Yours truly,

Rey