Something Good and Beautiful

    One of the things I've had the opportunity to do recently is revisit an old draft. I started writing it in 2017, around March or April and have slowly been developing it to be what I want it to be. After my first novel, I didn't think I could write something that I actually enjoyed. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of what I've accomplished and they were good ideas at the time but it's so easy for me to get hung up on the plot wholes, details, dialogue, etc. I feel like I could've done everything so much better. This book though I love with my whole heart. There's still a decent amount that I need to do as far as editing goes but otherwise, I found myself falling in love with my characters and story. I was quite surprised at how lovely it all is. It's strange to think that I did that but, I suppose it has been three years in the making. 

    I have written a great deal about bad days, messy emotions, all of that fun stuff. If it's half as annoying to you as it is to me, then you have my deepest apologies. I know it's not exactly what you want to spend your time on, but I do appreciate everyone who does read it. Anyways, I know that as many bad days as I have, God is still faithful. I say that a lot too but, I have to. He's the one constant that I have in my life and His plan is greater than anything I could come up with. It just takes time.

    And maybe I'm just saying what I've said a million times now. I don't know. Turning this blog into more of a journal was the farthest thing from my mind but things changed and so did I. Growing is hard, especially growing up. It's so strange for me to think of a life where I have a job and a family of my own rather than just staying at home and working on three different book drafts at once. With no foreseeable means to actually move out just yet or even a driver's licence to take me to a job, those things seem impossible. I'm nervous to apply to anything because I've been hurt and used before but I'm also scared that things won't actually change. I want to fall in love and get married, I want to write for a living, but those things can't be accomplished if I live in fear. This is also something I've said a great deal about but, it's so important. I can't tell you how many times I've thought or said that I wish I was braver. I wish I wasn't so shy. I wish, I wish. Though I think I'm a little better now, I am by no means courageous. The little things trip me up all the time and that's why I bring up God's faithfulness all the time. I need Him desperately and I know I don't deserve it. 

    Change is scary. I feel like this year has brought about both drastic change and yet, none at all. Each day just bleeds into the next and though things are looking up, there's no going back from this. It's going to take a long time for healing to come, both physical and spiritual. We've created a mess for ourselves though it's been a long time coming. There's a lot of change that still needs to come and it's going to take time. But I do believe that God does have a plan in place and when He's done, thing's will have worked out exactly as they were intended to. Romans 8:28 says, "We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work towards something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept the invitation to live according to His plan." 

    Creating and editing takes time. It's not always easy or fun, I promise you that, but it is always worth it. Even the stories I've written that will never see the light of day haven't been mistakes or a waste of time. They taught me everything I know now and got me to a place where I can be proud of what I write. Of course I still have bad days and it's easy for me to be afraid but, in the end, I'm human. That's how I was created and I'm learning how to be happy. Your life is precious and things will be okay. No matter how much time it takes, God never breaks His promises. He sees things through until they're exactly as He intended. And maybe it'll surprise you. One day you'll look back and see God's hand on everything, even the things that seemed insignificant or ordinary. You're never as alone as you may feel, and though it's so easy to get lost sometimes, you will make it.

I hope you have a lovely day!

Yours truly, 

Rey