Let's be intentional.

     First and foremost, I would like to apologize to anyone who was expecting an update yesterday and there wasn't one. I know that it's not too big a deal, as here I am, but I was really proud of myself for how consistent I was being. I'm sorry.

    Why is this late? I finally got my driver's license! It's strange. I've been wanting it for years now, even before I started driving, and now that I have it, I'm honestly not sure what to do with it. It's not like I have many places to go and until I get a job, it doesn't really make sense to use up gas. It doesn't feel like what I expected it to feel like but with all the drama surrounding it, I'm just glad that it's over and done with now. I have also discovered why so many people hate the DMV. It's stressful.

    Last week was a little strange. It was great for the most part, I was happy and motivated. Then the weekend hit and for some reason, I crashed hard. I was miserable for no particular reason, the things that were getting to me were issues that I've been dealing with for a while and that I thought I had some peace about. Next thing I know, I was in tears and feeling completely stupid about the small things that were getting to me. Needless to say, I was a mess and I'm glad it appears to be over. It's not often that things get that heavy for me. I'm used to overthinking and over-stressing so things don't often get overwhelming. And I know it's part of being human and living in a fallen world but it's hard to feel so alone in your issues. I go from being so sure about something to questioning everything. I get so lost within myself and the next thing I know, I'm crying and it's so frustrating. I've read and heard that crying is good for you but honestly, I just feel stupid and get a headache and when it's over, nothing has been resolved. I'm still in that lonely place.

    I've become very used to dealing with things on my own. A couple years ago, I was in a place where I felt like I couldn't open up to people because they had their own problems or there was someone who needed help more than I did and I could manage on my own. Now, that was a terrible idea, but that's what happened. As I've grown up, I've tried to be more aware and considerate of the people around me, both in keeping things to myself but also in opening up to them. I've been blessed to have wonderful people in my life, people who genuinely care and want to know what's going on. They want me to open up to them. Yes, there is a point where you can open up too much but don't underestimate the people in your life. Everyone goes through stuff, that's life and the world we live in, and it's okay. I'm learning to trust that God will give me wisdom and discernment when it comes to how much I share and how much I keep to myself. I want to be considerate of the season someone else is in, even if I don't know what it is. With that said, it's still vital that we open up to people. I know I've said it before but we weren't created to be alone. We're born into families, we meet people, make friends, fall in love. As a part of the body of Christ, we're called to be in unity. Relationships are so important and I feel like that's something that we forget. I know I do, at least. I get so caught up in myself and my problems and I want to do it all by myself. I want to be independent. Then, I make a mistake or fail completely and I get lost. I forget that I'm not alone and I don't have to carry the weight of the world or the weight of myself alone.

    God is good and faithful. I'm learning to make Him a priority in my life and to go to Him in those moments of wandering. As much as I believe that that's important, God knows us and He places people in our lives. I know that all I have to do when I feel lonely is reach out to people and they'll respond with love and kindness. I think that, a lot of the time, we wait for God to perform some big miracle so that everything will just magically work out the way we picture it in our head. We can forget or ignore the faithfulness He's already shown. We think that a best friend is just happenstance when in truth, they're the miracle we've been holding out on. There's intention in the seasons we find ourselves in, purpose. Though I haven't been alive for very long, I've come to learn that things never happen in the way that I thought they would. My picture is rarely God's picture and as frustrating as that can be, it's always for the best. He doesn't make mistakes and the people He's placed in your life are important. I feel like in our effort to be self-sustaining and independent, we can disregard their significance. We wait for someone better or different, want a best friend but never let anyone close to us. Being vulnerable is terrifying, at least it is for me. I've had people leave, I've been let down and hurt, I've been disappointed. More than that, I know that I've hurt and disappointed and left people myself. It's easy to think that we can protect ourselves or protect others if we just keep to ourselves but I promise you, that's a lonely place. 

    Don't limit what God can do. Allow Him to bring people into your life that need to be there and be brave enough to open up. Relationships require intentionality. Ask for help, invite someone to lunch, text people to let them know that you're thinking of them. Make people important and give them space to be just as human as you are. Because we all have something we're going through, we have the opportunity to work those things out together. It takes courage and sometimes I believe there are things that need to be worked out just between you and God but you don't have to be afraid of talking to people. Let them love you and be there for you as much as you love them and want to be there for them. 

    God will meet you in your lonely place if you let Him. It probably won't look like what you thought it would look like but that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. You're right where you need to be and things will work out according to His plan. The people in your life are there for a reason and you don't have to be alone. 

    Anyways, sorry again for the slight delay. I hope that I was able to make sense and encourage you none-the-less. Thank you to everyone who reads this.

   Yours truly,

Rey