Making space and loving.

     I had an idea earlier this week of what to write but as I sit here, I can't for the life of me remember what it was. This week was good, complete with ups and downs, as usual. I'm doing well though and have no serious complaints, other than I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life but God will work that out and all I can do is be open to Him. 

    Listening to God, I have learned, takes a great deal of practice and though I haven't mastered it yet, I think I'm beginning to understand how He speaks to me. Granted, I could be entirely wrong but that's not very optimistic, is it? God speaks to me through music and nature and others. He's in my passing thoughts and He does speak directly, though He doesn't always say what I want to hear or what I want Him to say. Sometimes He's within me, giving me peace. 

    I don't always want to listen. Ever since I was little, I've craved independence. I've wanted to do things on my own and figure things out on my own and while that isn't inherently bad, it opens the door to a great deal of loneliness and hopelessness. I make plans on my own that never work out, try in my own strength to figure things out and then wonder why I feel so worn out. We weren't created to be alone and more than just with people, we were called to be in relationship with our creator. That's a big part of why Jesus had to die. After the fall, we were separated from God. The only people who could talk to Him were priests or prophets. The priests were the only ones who could go into the tabernacle and were responsible for making sacrifices on behalf of the people. After Jesus' death, the curtain in the temple was torn and suddenly there was no space between us anymore. We have the freedom and grace to go to God ourselves and He can live within us and talk to us like He did with Adam and Eve in the garden. It's very easy to take for granted something that cost so much to give. In my fear of what He'll ask me to do, I draw the curtain closed again. 

    It's almost amusing how hypocritical I am. I ask God all the time to give me direction but I want it to be small and fit in with my idea of what my life should look like. I want to stay safe at home and write what I want to write. I want God's purpose to be realized but continue to make my own plans. To put it dramatically, I'm a walking contradiction. I talk all the time about making space and finding joy then fail to do that myself. I'm far more likely to mourn plans gone wrong and wallow because I made that a habit more than putting God first. Lately, I've been trying to make Him more of a priority but life always seems to get in the way. I have chores and writing and family and so many other things to distract and occupy my thoughts. I don't have a quiet time because I work better in the morning, I'm too tired in the evening, and it feels so awkward to do it in the middle of the day, especially if I'm having a good day and my writing has been going well. I'm very good at finding reasons not to do something rather than to do it.

    Start small. That's the one thing I have learned. God doesn't ask you to be perfect, just to try. And the more you do it, the more you learn and the more you grow. Once you learn how God speaks to you, you can make the effort or the time for those things to be in your life. I don't know that it actually gets easier, it's one of those things where resistance is guaranteed, but relationships are intentional. We have to put in the effort and commitment. We live in a time where we're still cut off from a great deal. Most churches are still closed and there are a lot that probably won't open again because of lost attendance but it's needed now more than ever. People need to know that they are loved and that they don't have to be afraid. As Christians, we need to learn how to fight and intercede, but most importantly, we need to learn how to do it. I've read a lot lately about how Christians are hateful and cruel and judgmental. Unfortunately, I know that this is entirely true. One of my favorite authors, Wayne Thomas Batson said this: "People take the name of God and do a lot of horrendous things. But that doesn't make them a Christian any more than a bumper sticker does." There is so much hate in this world right now. People are being violent and fear is having a field day. We have to learn how to love and then go and do it. 1 John 4 talks about God's love for us and what it means. I think most Christians know verse 18 that says perfect love casts out fear but that's such a small part of that chapter. A lot of it talks about letting God's love have it's perfect work inside of us. 

    Jesus didn't just die for you. I feel like salvation is often talked about in the context of an individual and say, "He died for you and your sins," and while this is true, it's not about you. It's not about the individual. Jesus died so that anyone and everyone had space to come into relationship with Him. He died for everyone because He loves everyone. We all deserve the chance to be forgiven and redeemed and loved. Jesus made sure that was possible but there's a lot more too it than just accepting Him into your heart. We have to love others and let God live inside of us. We have to learn how to listen but also how to obey. I know just how easy it is to get caught up on the plans I make and the dreams I have but learning how to listen is never just for you. The priests were called and appointed to make sacrifices and intercede on behalf of the people. When the curtain tore, it cleared the way for us to do that too. We are called to do more and be more and God will give us what we need to accomplish what He's called us to do. He's faithful and He keeps His promises. 

    Do your best to make space for Him. I know how hard it can be but I hope that I've been able to convey how important it is. I feel a little scattered right now and I know this post is kind of a mess but I hope it made some sense, all the same. Like I said, start small. Take a couple minutes to just talk to God, tell what's going on and what you're feeling. He'll be there, I promise you. Even if you don't come out of it with answers, the more you press into Him, the more He can pour out of you. Faith can't grow if it isn't exercised. God doesn't expect you to be perfect, He knows that without Him, you can't be. We all fall short and make mistakes, we're all human. We forget Him and prioritize things that don't matter. I have days when He's my second thought instead of my first but as I say all the time, there's grace for that. We can't live that way, we have to change and grow, but there's grace for that too. All God wants is your heart. It may seem small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, I feel like that all the time, but God is not small and you are not insignificant. 

    Wherever you are, I hope that you have a lovely day and I pray that God gives you peace and direction. I also pray that this all made sense because I genuinely have no idea. Thank you for reading! 

Yours truly,

Rey