Love and confidence

  Happy September! This year has been... interesting to say the least but a new month means we're closer to it being over. I think we're all ready for it. Not to mention we are indeed getting closer to autumn. We had some cool days this past weekend and while I was actually shivering a little outside, it made me very happy. The trees are starting to look tired and we all need a change of scenery. 

    Lately, I've been thinking about confidence. I know that I've talk about this before but it's a topic that I tend to gravitate to quite often. For years, it's been something that I lack. For as long as I can remember, I've been scared of people. My childhood shyness has turned into anxiety and though I've gotten used to it and I know what to do in certain situations, I have bad days where suddenly I can't approach people or talk to them. It's scary. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have more responsibilities and suddenly I need to be able to make phone calls and appointments and talk to people. Anxiety and fear are interesting creatures. They know perfectly what to say and where to situate themselves to keep me quiet and contained. For me, it often feels like I'm drowning and it sucks. I watch others make friends and converse with people so easily and I don't understand why it's so hard for me to do the same. 

    The dictionary defines confidence to be a belief in oneself, one's powers, or abilities. Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do when you're feeling insecure or anxious. So often, belief is influenced by your emotions. When I'm having a moment, it's easier to believe the negative thoughts than the affirming ones. Knowing that God is faithful, that I'm His chosen creation with a plan and a purpose, that loses it's hold on me. I forget it in the moment because I'm so caught up in everything else. When it comes down to it though, that's the only thing that matters and the only thing that can bring confidence. It's in knowing who you are and that you are loved. 

    This is a little easier said than done, I'm afraid. I know that I've often talked about surrender and how hard it can be. The idea of letting go of all control, of opening yourself up completely to be known is terrifying and as much as I pray it, I'm not quite there yet and that's okay. Falling in love and developing a relationship takes time. Christians talk so often about the verse in 1 John 4 that says that perfect love casts out fear. What is hardly mentioned is the end of that verse, the part that says if you still have fear, God's love hasn't had it's perfect love. It's strange trying to picture God well enough to love Him. He seems so abstract and intangible. In this day and age, we're so distant in our relationships that the thought of being in relationship with an omnipotent, omnipresent, and infinite God seems ridiculous, almost laughable. Human beings are already so complex, how can one expect to be close to someone greater than that? Well, it's as I've said; He's faithful and there's so much grace for our gaps. As long as you're genuinely pursuing God, spending time praying and reading His word, I believe that God will speak and move in your live. The more time and space you give Him, the more He can do. The wonderful thing is God already loves us perfectly, it's just up to us to accept and receive it. 

    Love should not be one sided. I hear so many stories, both real and fictional, about unrequited love and the pain it brings. That's not a relationship but most importantly, that's not what God wants. He wants to know you and be loved as He loves you. His love was costly and though He gives it freely, there's more to being a Christian than just accepting Jesus into your heart. It's about letting Him into your heart and pursuing Him in your everyday life. If you've ever been in love, you'll know that you want to spend every waking hour with that person and when you're together, it's so easy to be happy and feel safe. It feels like anything as possible as long as you're together. That's how God wants to be loved. Fast and deep and with everything in you. He wants to be loved with intention that He loves with. Fall in love with your creator and let Him restore your identity and your purpose. That's where our help and our confidence come from. It isn't determined by what we achieve or look like or who we know, it's the assurance of being loved by someone who calls you His beloved child and created you with intention. Let Him love you to the point where love has it's perfect work in you and let Him know that you love Him too. 

    Thank you so much for reading! I don't want apologize because there really was no chance for me to update yesterday and it is only a day late. I hope it was worth the wait and that it makes sense. I ask that God will use my words to speak to you were you are. 

Yours Truly;

Rey