On beauty and being enough

     For all my complaining, I have spent the past couple days in sweaters and sweatpants and wishing I had put my long sleeve shirts through the laundry sooner. Tomorrow marks the first day of autumn and though the leaves have yet to change, the temperatures have dropped and I am vastly excited for it. We need change and it feels like it's finally coming. 

    For the past couple weeks, I've been talking about value, especially value of oneself. It's such a tricky subject because, as Christians, we're called to live selflessly and to be humble rather than proud. And while I know that so many of us deal with insecurities and pride seems like a foreign concept, I have found myself hiding behind my self-doubt. When God comes to speak to me or a pastor says something in a sermon, there have been moments when I find it easier and safer to cling to those insecurities and it becomes a form of pride. Romans 12:3 says, "God has given me grace to speak a warning about pride. I would ask each of you to be emptied of self-promotion and not create a false image of your importance. Instead, honestly assess your worth by using your God-given faith as the standard of measurement, and then you will see your true value with an appropriate self-esteem." Just before that, in verse one, Paul encourages us to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, to live in holiness as a true expression of worship. We're called to be in the world, not of it, but with everything around us influencing self-centeredness, this can be easier said than done. Self-esteem and mental illnesses are more prevalent in today's society than in any other period in history. We have so much more time on our hands to be idle and with access to so much, it's easy to indulge. There's are so many things influencing our decisions and attitudes. It's hard to have an identity solely in Jesus because there's so much telling us who we should be. We compare ourselves with who and what we see and doubt our positions and progress because we see peers farther along than we are. We surrender to the noise and the chaos until there's little left to give to God. 

    Now, truthfully I know very little on the subject of surrender. I still have so much to learn and I know that I've talked a great deal about it previously so, I digress. Today I really want to talk about value because, yes, though we need to learn how to die to ourselves, we will accomplish very little of what God has called us to do if we wallow and choose to be miserable. We were created with the capacity to grow and change and we can't do that standing still. We can't let insecurity become a form of pride, we can't hide behind it. That's no way to live.

        What does it mean to be enough? The dictionary defines "enough" to be "sufficient for the purpose." Simple, right? Humans are so good at overcomplicating things. We look for purpose and meaning in everything because we don't know what it means to be enough.  There's so much going on in our lives, calling for our attention that I think we have to tendencies to spread ourselves thin sometimes. There are spaces where we do feel inadequate and insufficient. We stress and overthink and make a mess of things, so focused on our mistakes. They take so much out of us and it's exhausting! I don't understand why we do it to ourselves again and again but I suppose it comes back to us finding security in our insecurities. Feelings are often faster than our thoughts and so that's what we gravitate to. That's where we find familiarity and comfort but you are not your emotions and I promise you are enough as you are. When God created the universe, He declared it to be good and beautiful and that includes you. God is perfect and as I always say, we were created with intention. Our mistakes are known before we make them and yet, we are loved anyway. We were created as enough. God knows the circumstances we would face and He's made sure that we have and will have all we need to see us through them. He doesn't make mistakes and so, you are not a mistake. You are genuinely enough as you are and as you were created to be. 

    One of the things that I've had to realize is that just being enough is okay. There are so many inspirational quotes everywhere, it gets overwhelming. I do value my appearance and beauty and I want to be beautiful but there are parts of me that I see as unattractive, not ugly necessarily but still undesirable. When you see quotes and poetry everywhere, romanticizing everything, it's discouraging when you can't see yourself made of starlight. Scars are just scars, eyes are just eyes, I am just ordinary and that's okay. I've had to learn that I don't have to be perfect and not every part of me has to be radiant. I never could be and God has never and will never ask it of me. All I have to do is listen to God's voice and go where He leads me and where He asks me to go. There's nothing wrong with being just me. Love has already been won and we don't have to fight and strive to be worthy of it. There's nothing we could do to deserve it but it's still given freely. And this is applicable both inwardly and outwardly. Shyness isn't always cute, believe me, and melancholy is not romantic in the least but it is okay. You are okay. Perfection and beauty are vastly overrated and probably given to much value. There is some worth in it, I believe that there's worth in everything, but you cannot let it take over your life. There's so much grace and relief when you come to the realization that you are you and that automatically makes you magnificent. You were created and ransomed and for all the mistakes and flaws that you see, nothing can change the fact that you are deeply loved and accepted. Romans 8:38-39 says, "For I have every confidence that nothing-not death, life, heavenly messengers, dark spirits, the present, the future, spiritual powers, height, depth, nor any created thing-can come between us and the love of God revealed in the Anointed, Jesus our Lord." 

    I know this is similar to what I said last week but I've been thinking about it again lately. Despite being introverted and shy, I have such a heart and a passion for people. I've fought my own battles with insecurities and though I still have a great many to fight, I've learned and grown a lot. I desperately want others to know their worth and their value because I see it in everyone. Though thoughts are often secondary to emotions, like I said, we have a choice when those thoughts come to be brave and strong. We are called to overcome and have been given the strength to do so. So live in that place and that identity. Remember that you were created with everything you needed and you are enough. There is grace to cover the mistakes that you make and the emotions you feel. Let God love you, because He does. 

    This took me much longer  to write than I expected. There's so much I want to convey but it's hard to say things that haven't already been said. I know how often words are just words and have no meaning or influence but I pray that God will uses this to bring healing and redemption. Thank you for taking the time to read this. 

Yours Truly;

Rey