Decisions in seasons

     The weather is delightfully cold, I have been spending my days in sweaters and fluffy socks, drinking my tea and doing my best to stay warm. I've dragged my trench coat out and spent a great deal of time in my bed, reading with as much on top of me as I can get. On top of that, I've actually been enjoying all the lights and Christmas decorations. This is not my favorite time of year but I feel like there are a lot of people putting in a little more effort and I genuinely appreciate it. My family is slowly getting bigger, as my boyfriend will be joining us this year. I'm still bewildered by how much things have changed in less than a year. Nine months ago, I was still in school, attending church twice a week. We were running around doing so much and it's weird to think about now that we're used to the stillness and the quiet. I remember how strange it was at the beginning of all of this and now I can't imagine going back.

    Finding contentment in placement is hard. Most often we think there's place where the grass really is greener, someone we'd be more happy with, a bigger house, a smaller mortgage, a better position at a better company. We spend so much time wishing and waiting and not enough time listening. I know I'm guilty of this. I had so many dreams of traveling, leaving home and exploring the world. I wanted independence and freedom. I wanted an identity of my own because I had no idea of who I was outside of my family. I desperately wanted to be my own person, to grow up and be different. In truth, I can't say that none of that has happened and for the rest, I've grown up enough to know better. Anyone who's been through life can tell you about storms and season that they had no desire to be in, even if it wasn't all bad. We all have dreams that still haven't come true and plans we've had to lay aside. I promise you're not alone. But these people can also tell you that they got through the storms and that everything worked out as it was supposed to, most times better than they could've done themselves. Granted, until we die I think there will always be disappointments and things we have to let go of. There will always be hard questions that God doesn't seem to answer but I have to trust that I'm right where I need to be.

    How different would Christmas be if Mary was not in a position to say yes? What if she had been too afraid or unwilling? What if Joseph no longer wanted her? Further in that story, what if Jesus had changed His mind in the garden and everything would be for nothing? The decisions we make matter and the situations we find ourselves in aren't an accident. We've been placed intentionally, even if it doesn't seem like that right now. I know that my experience this year has been decent. I said this in a post recently, this has not been my worst year, but I know that for some people, it has been. Events, seasons, storms, whatever you want to call them, don't define the rest of your life unless you let them. Placement is weird and it can take a while for us to see that we really are where we need to be. You're covered in grace. Let that influence your decisions and emotions more than anything else right now. It doesn't ask for perfection, otherwise grace wouldn't really be needed. All God asks is that you come as you are. Mary was just a girl and Joseph was just a carpenter but they were called for a greater purpose. Whatever you do and wherever you go, His love will never forsake you. 

    God's love is bigger than I think any of us realize. How incredible is it that we get to be a part of His plan? Our identity isn't found in where we live or where we're from. It isn't determined by our job, income, or relationship status. It's found in the one who bled and died for us. Our lives have value and purpose, more than we realize. Our lives have been bought at a cost that we can't even imagine. We've been covered and forgiven. Walk in that. Let that be what carries you through the seasons. Always do what you can and use what you've been given. Focus on what you can do more than what you can't. Let God pursue you more than anything else and pursue Him in return. It takes faith to stay and to wait and this year we've done a lot of that. I don't know what it's all been for but I know that it's not for nothing. Let God give you peace and rest in your seasons. Drop what you don't need to carry, and let your identity and placement be found in the one who created you and loves you more than you can possible know. 

    Perhaps this message is better saved for closer to January but as hopeful as we are for the new year, I know there's a great deal of wondering what all of this has been for. I wish I had answers and that things had gone better this year. There are so many people struggling and so much helplessness and I just want to people to know that they are loved and not as alone as they feel. You do have a purpose and an identity, your life is not a mistake, and as hard as things may be, it really does get better. I hope I can encourage you at least a little bit. Thank you for reading. 

Yours Truly;

Rey