Love's pursuit

     Welcome to December! I think we're all ready for the year to be over an done with and today marks a step closer to that end. I have no idea what the new year holds but I have to hope it will be better than this year. With that said, this year has not been my worst. There's been a great deal of frustration and inconvenience but otherwise, it hasn't been all bad. As much as I wish things had turned out differently and as much as I pray for where things are headed, my life has not felt as wasted as it has in previous years. I've been writing so much and I'm grateful for the opportunity and grace to do what I love. I'm driving and working and none of it was what I had pictured or attempted to plan but God has worked things out. I'm still praying for guidance, especially in the new year, but I think that's just a part of life. There will never be a moment when I don't need Him and I'm starting to appreciate that. 

    So, I think the main theme this year, as far as blogging is concerned, has been love. I don't want to sound like a broken record or get repetitive but I've seen and felt so much this year and I believe love, especially God's love, is desperately needed right now. I'm still not the best at listening but God has been gently pushing and pursuing, showing me what love is and what it could be. The love I've felt and experienced this year has been so different from anything I felt before. It's overwhelming and blinding and vulnerable, it's gentle and strong. I'm sure I could go on if I tried, make it poetic even, but I do often feel that love has been romanticized and it's been taken for granted. Love is not easy. It requires sacrifice and it's about more than just the emotions you feel. Love is a choice. 

    The story of Hosea is not one that Christians really grow up with. Why teach about a man who marries a prostitute in Sunday school when you can teach about men in a furnace or the mouths of lions being closed or Jesus raising someone from the dead? Unfortunately, this story isn't really taught to adults either. And maybe I am being silly and find too much in a story about a prostitute but there is so much to be said about God's grace and mercy and love that's found here. Hosea is told to marry a woman named Gomer, who is a prostitute, to symbolize God's relationship with Israel. It's an interesting book to read because you see so much of God's anger. The people He raised up and delivered time and time again continue to betray Him for idols in the surrounding nations. At one point Gomer leaves Hosea to return to her previous way of life. Hosea divorces her and God sends him after her. Hosea 3:1 says, "Go and love a woman who is loved by someone else and is adulterous. Care for her and protect her, just as I love the people of Israel..." He has to buy her back and not just care for her but love her as well. The rest of the book describes God's anger and sorrow for the loss of His beloved nation. Chapter 11 describes Israel as His son.

    God knew that His love would cost Him dearly, especially because it was bestowed on people who continued to reject Him. He knew that Jesus would have to die and the only way to save those He loved would be to die. I know I've talk a great deal about love this past year but as this year comes to a close and we enter the Christmas season, I want to reiterate the things I've said. 

    Humanity has not changed much in all the years between us and Hosea. I will be the first to admit that I have wandered and sinned. I've felt shame and loneliness and anger and acted on those emotions. I've gone back to habits that never should've developed in the first place. I know what it's like to be broken and empty. Because of that, I know what it's like to be redeemed and forgiven and loved. I do think it's interesting how I can say these things, to know I'm forgiven and loved, and still leave that place. This is why it's not easy. Love is costly. It requires you to be vulnerable and to let go of the things that give you that false sense of security. Yes, God's love will remain no matter what you do or how far you wander, your sins are already forgiven, but we can't keep doing this. Let God's love inspire you to give more, to sacrifice more, to be kind and generous and joyful. Let it inspire you to worship the one who created you and loves you. Isaiah 61:7 says this: "Many call you disgraced and defiled and said that shame should be your share of things. Yet you suffered doubly and lived in disgrace; So double will be your share, and with joy everlasting." As scary as it is to be known, the feelings you have when you're trying to sleep, the thoughts in your head, the things you don't even tell you family, God loves all of it. You're His beloved child and no matter what you do, you can never outrun His love. Surrender is a process and I pray that I'm doing what I need to do to get to the point where my trust is placed fully in my author and creator. 

    Live like you're loved. This sounds cheesy and cliché, I know, and maybe I've said this before but fight for love as much as love has fought for you. Let love bring you peace and security and freedom. I truly believe that God pursues us and that He still moves and speaks. Let go of the bad habits you've been holding onto and stop running from love that's already been won. I have so much to learn still and I'm so grateful for God's patience and faithfulness with me. Hopefully one day I'll learn to pursue Him as much as He pursues me. 

    I hope everyone had a lovely holiday and that you find hope and peace this month. I pray you find some rest in this season and that God continues to pour out His love for us.

Yours Truly,

Rey