Bigger than your box

     Happy belated Easter! Let me tell you, it was so nice to dress up for something. Unfortunately, I had to work but it was wonderful to put a little more effort into my appearance and just feel pretty, you know? Maybe this is just another girl thing but I always feel better about myself when I dress up and my hair is done nicely. I feel put together and better about myself and the day. One day I think I would like to be the person who wears dresses and skirts all the time, I already do my hair all the time, but I'm not there yet. As much as I like to think that I don't care what people think of me, I do. I will probably be dressing up a bit more though because I wear jeans to and now they feel very much like work clothes. I just don't have as many skirts as I would like though now that I'm making a bit of money, I can set some of that money aside for fabric and patterns because it'll honestly be cheaper than buying what I like. 

    Anyways, enough about me. It was Easter this past weekend and though I don't know what I could say that I haven't said before, I do want to talk about it a little bit. I talk about God's love all the time and this was His greatest act, that He would send someone to die in our stead. And this isn't just remarkable because of Jesus' death and resurrection but because of the life He lead while He was here. It would've been easy for Jesus to just come and die but He didn't. He came and He lived. He performed miracles and showed us how to live. He showed compassion and mercy and justice. Yes, the foundation of our faith is the death and resurrection but foundations are meant to be built on. 

    I haven't quite gotten through Acts yet but I'm nearly there. I'm still amazed at the commitment the disciples had, the faith and willingness to share the gospel even to the point of imprisonment and death. The revelation of who God is caused Paul to turn around completely, going from killing Christians to being one of them. With his last breath, Stephen asked for forgiveness for the people who stoned him. The book is full of persecution and danger and at this point in my life, I don't think I have the faith to live like that, I don't want to. Even though I know that heaven would be a far better place to be, there's so much that I want to do here. I want to publish books and get married and travel and have kids. I want to keep baking and taking pictures of the sky. I don't want to die. I also don't want to be embarrassed. This is ridiculous, I know. I talk about the vastness of God's love and how good He is but I'm scared to talk about it. I'm afraid of what He would ask of me. 

    Of course, I have said this all before, I'm sure I'm becoming monotonous at this point. I just want to get to the point in my life where I'm holding nothing back from the One who already gave everything. Perhaps it's because I've grown up in church but I'm so familiar with God. He resides in a box that I made for Him. He's bigger than that but I still expect Him to fit inside and do what I expect Him to do. The problem is, I then set myself for disappointment because few things happen the way you expect. It's easy to talk about how God has a plan and a purpose, something bigger and grander than anything I would dare to hope for, but harder to actually believe in it for myself. I start to limit what God can do because hoping for the big and the grand feels unrealistic. I can't quite wrap my brain around the fact that He already died for me, has already forgiven me for everything I've done wrong and everything I will do. But by limiting Him, I also limit myself. I don't give Him the chance to see His promises through. 

    Let God be bigger than your box. Give Him room to surprise you and exceed your expectations. Let His love be bigger than all your expectations. He already died to forgive you and to bridge the gap so we could have a relationship with Him. You're already known and already loved. I know how hard it is to surrender and to be brave, to let His love be greater, but I really do hope to be better every day. I want my live to tell of His glory and it is scary but I trust that He'll look after me. At least, I'll get there.

Yours Truly,

Rey