Make room for the miraculous

     I have the day off today, which is remarkable. I almost don't know what to do with myself but it does mean that today's post should be less delirious than the last two. I do apologize for those, they definitely show exhaustion and frustration. Right now, I have tea and enough sleep, which is more than I can say for the past two weeks but, it is what it is and I'm honestly okay with it. From the beginning, I've wanted to be honest and genuine on here, even if it gets messy sometimes. It definitely has but I really am trusting God to keep His promise and work everything out. When it comes down to it, as frustrated as I get, I know that it's okay and that I will be okay. Even if you take faith out of it, that's how life goes. Seasons change and it's okay and it's good. I still have more questions than answers but that's part of life too. 

    I feel like it's so easy to feel like you're in-between seasons, if that makes any sense at all. For example, right now, I've been out of school for a year but it doesn't quite feel like I'm an adult yet. It feels like everything I do is just me working towards an imaginary point. I'm waiting on a career, a place of my own, anything really. The past year has felt like that. I lose sight of the fact that this is a season too. I've noticed this in dating too. My boyfriend and I are long distance and it's so easy to talk about what we think it will look like to be together, near each other, and it's easy to lose sight of what we have right now. The distance has allowed us to really get to know the person we fell in love with and to build a friendship as much as a romance. And yes, being apart and struggling to maneuver around work, time off, and life just so we can see each other is complicated but that doesn't mean that what we have now is a bad thing. Just because I'm frustrated with work and not writing as much as I should doesn't mean that I'm wasting a season. It doesn't mean that good things can't happen or be developed. Life is happening and there genuinely isn't an in-between for it. 

    This is what I was trying to get at last week, at least a little bit. I'm sorry for repeating myself so often but I need to write to work things out and process life. I work in a retirement community, I know how long life can be. I'll be twenty this year and that already feels like a lot. I can't imagine living for eighty more years. I want to take advantage of the seasons I'm in without rushing to get to the next thing. If I spend my whole life chasing something, be it happiness or success or whatever, I don't think I will ever be satisfied. Elevation Worship recently released a song called Jireh and one of the lyrics in the chorus is, "I will be content in every circumstance." I know I've talked about this before but that's something I've been striving for lately. I don't want to miss out on what's happening around me because I'm so focused on a dream. I can't be a published author or even a blogger if I'm not writing. I can't be a good friend unless I'm developing friendships. 

    This, to me at least, makes a lot of sense and maybe it's obvious to you too but it's something that is taking time to sink in, to live out more than just believe. I have my good days and my not so good days. The age I am, I always get asked if I'm in school or planning on going to school and very often, I feel like I'm making a mistake because I'm not doing what everyone else is doing. There's really nothing wrong with waiting and I'm not doing nothing but because my life doesn't look like someone else's, it's easy for me to feel like I am not just making a mistake but missing out. Theodore Roosevelt is credited to saying that comparison is the thief to joy and while I think there are exceptions to this rule, there is truth in it. Finding contentment in circumstances means not comparing your present to your dream future as well as not comparing your present to someone else's. 

    This is especially real to callings as well. As a Christian, it's easy to look at what someone else is doing and compare it to where you are. God has his own plan for you and perfect timing. Just because things seem to be taking longer or they don't look like what it looks like for people around you doesn't mean that God isn't working in and through you. God also doesn't need you to do what somebody else is doing; they're already doing it and it's okay if your calling is different. It's okay if it feels like you're the only one doing what you've been called to do. It's okay if it's taking time. Even Paul didn't have all the answers. In Philippians 3:12, he says "I'm not there yet, nor have I become perfect; but I am charging on to gain anything and everything the Anointed One, Jesus, has in store for me-and nothing will stand in my way because He has grabbed me and won't let go." God does have a plan no matter where you are in your life right now. If you're in what feels like a season of waiting or in the middle of a valley or even having a really good season, know that God does have a plan and he's always with you. Make the most out of your seasons and leave room for Him to bring something miraculous out of where you are.

Yours Truly,

Rey