Passionate Creativity

     I'm starting this late today, which I feel genuinely bad about. There is so much information in the realm of self care and widely varying opinions. For some people, they can just take a bath and read a book and that's what care looks like for them. I wish I was this person but for me, self care means pushing myself to do the things that I don't always like doing, or at least, feel like doing at the time. Rest is such an awkward thing for me to grasp because I don't know what it looks like. I know it's not sitting in my bed, getting lost on the internet because I've done far too much of that and it's far more draining than rejuvenating. I struggle with stagnancy. Just being in the same place can get so claustrophobic and I feel stuck and trapped and nothing gets done. My room has been a mess for a while now and I have I dealt with it? No. My desk is often the last place I want to be because it never stays tidy and leads to more stress. The places where I should feel safe and the most like myself are the places I often feel like avoiding. I can't deal with stress because the places I need to go in order to deal with it stress me out. Technology is such a blessing and bane in my life and I'm not sure what to do about it. The obvious answer is to just clean everything up, I know, and that's why self care for me can never look like candles and bubble baths. That's not the care that I need at this point in my life.

    I've talked about habits and attitude already, but I feel like they play a lot into what I'm writing about today. I think it's interesting how so many of these things go hand in hand. Last week I talked about ministry and serving and that needs a good attitude and it's an important habit to develop. I don't really want to write about craft today but it's necessary. It's a self care/discipline thing, unfortunately. And I'm sorry that I feel this way about something that I do have a passion for. I know that creativity is so vital to the human existence; it's in our nature because of who created us. God made up everything we see and things we haven't even discovered yet. There is so much in creation that's inspiring and beautiful. I have a deep fascination with clouds and skies. I love sunrises and sunsets and storms, I think they're all so beautiful, and I cannot tell you how many pictures on my phone are just of the the sky. We were created to love beauty and look for it in ourselves. For me, this expression is writing and it's something I haven't been doing enough of. I'm becoming so painfully aware of the discipline and intentionality required to make this a reality. It's so easy to procrastinate and make excuses and God knows I do a great deal of that. It's weird feeling motivated and wanting to do what you love but not motivated enough. 

    Writing has been a dream of mine for so long but I don't do it as much as I really should. It's an outlet and a light. It's been a great comfort and companion in my growing up. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard, that it hasn't hurt, hasn't made me cry, or that it's always been good. Doing what you love is often the hardest thing to do because it's scary! There's a sermon by a pastor named Charles Metcalf that he preached a couple weeks ago at my church and it's stuck with me. It's called "To Be or Not To Be" and I cannot express how deeply this hit home. I've only listened to it twice, I need to listen to it again because he put into words what I've been feeling for several years. If you've been following this blog for a while, you'll know I've had a great many questions as to what I want to do with my life and what I should do. There's so much possibility, almost too much. And that's what Pastor Charles talks about. As much as the idea of rejection and failure terrifies me, succeeding almost scares me more. I am afraid of my potential. I'm afraid that I'm actually pretty good at this writing thing. Why? I don't completely know. I know that I am afraid of the unknown, so there's that, but it feels bigger than that and I wish I could explain it. I scared of what would be required of me if my dreams came true. I'm scared of what I might have to sacrifice. You can't count the cost if you don't know what it is and that makes me very uncomfortable. As often as it can feel suffocating, I like familiar places and patterns. It's hard to be brave enough to let those go. I want to always love what I do and I don't want to lose that to the pressure of having to create but that's held me back from actually creating.

    Figure out what you love and hold it close because it matters! My writing matters, as hard as that is for me to accept and believe in sometimes. We were created with imaginations and an eye for beauty. My favorite bible translation (the Voice Translation) says that, in Genesis 1 where God creates everything, He declares that more than just good, it is beautiful! We were created to fall in love with simple things like clouds and flowers and seasons. I believe that they were made with us in mind. Purpose and creativity are about being and becoming. It's learning how to create and capture beautiful things and learn to be beautiful ourselves. Whatever your craft is, writing, art, photography, music, don't be so afraid of it. This is something that I'm trying to work on in myself, believe me, but in spite of my fears, I believe that it's worth the effort. Be intentional about your creativity, make time for it. Pursue it. It doesn't even have to become your career if you don't want it to be but don't stop creating. Don't stop practicing courage and having fun. Allow yourself to be passionate. Take pictures of the sky! Write, even if it's only just for yourself. Build or bake, create pictures. It's inside of you for a reason and you don't have to be so afraid of your potential. Love and love deeply.

    Your gifts, talents, and interests are so valuable. Don't underestimate what you're capable of. You don't have a choice but to have greatness inside of you because of your Creator. Without you, there's something on the earth that is missing. Even if what you do feels small and insignificant, it has value because you have value. Don't give up on your craft, keep going and don't hold back. You don't have to be so afraid to do the things you love, you can be brave. 

    I pray this was encouraging and consistent. My thoughts feel all over the place today, I apologize. I just... I believe so deeply in creativity. I know how much it's helped me and how steady it can make me feel when all I have our questions. Don't give up on your dreams and your craft. I mean that. I'll be trying too, I promise. 

Yours Truly,

Rey