Start in Love

     As much as I talk about joy and contentment on here, I'm not very good at applying that to myself and my life. The past two weeks in particular have been unexpectedly stressful and I haven't been dealing with it well. It's so much easier to focus on the emotions that are strongest, especially in the middle of the circumstances causing said emotions. I feel so selfish and shortsighted but that doesn't stop me from complaining. I'm caught in the middle and I'm not sure what to do or where to go from here. My life has felt like a series of plateaus; things will change but then I get stuck until it changes again. I desperate for something other than stagnancy, even if it was incline instead. Granted, I would probably eat those words if I was in an incline but for now, I'm ready for a better change. I want to be living out the dreams I have and I'm not, nor do I know how to get there. This isn't to say that my life is horrible and I hate everything. There's so much good and more blessings than I know how to count. That's part of my frustration with my discontent. I am grateful for the things, people, and seasons, this life I've been given to live, and it feels like I'm not taking advantage of it. 

    One of things I'm not very good at taking advantage of is my relationships. I'm in a really good community with my church right now. My young adults group has been an absolute blessing this year. In January, I started going to a different church from my family. Growing up, I was homeschooled and my siblings and I are close in age so everything we did was together. I had never really done much by myself before and I love this church but it was scary and lonely in the beginning. Joining the young adults group was the first time I really talked to anyone and got involved and I could not be more grateful for it. I love where I am, the sermons and worship, but people are what makes a church a church and if not for this community, I don't know if I would've stayed. I say this frequently, I know, but people were designed to be in relationship. We're not supposed to be alone.

    I've been on a theme of pursuit and intentionality, probably because that's how I'm trying to live my life. It's something I feel I lack. It has such a great affect on whatever we do in it's presence and absence. It's so vital for relationship, both with God and with people. Obviously the world is a mess right now and meeting people can be awkward. There are so many sensitive topics to avoid and I don't even know what the correct way to greet someone is. I also know how much it hurts when relationships end and how scary it is to talk to strangers. I know that relationships are hard and it doesn't always feel worth it to show up when you're not sure if people would miss you if you didn't. I also know what it's like to be lonely, to feel like you don't have a friend, a true friend, in the whole wide world and that's worse. It doesn't always feel like it but if you're in that place for long enough, it is. I think the state of the world has proven that much. We need community and friendships. We need to learn how to love each other and to make peace with our differences. That's where intentionality comes in. If we want to be in relationship, it takes time and effort and it's hard but most hard things are worth it. And maybe I'm basically repeating what I said last week, if I am, I'm sorry. This is just one of the things that I'm still having to learn. I've never been exceptional with people but I've dealt with a lot of loneliness of my life so it feels silly not to make the most out of the community I'm in and be intentional about deepening those relationships. 

    Last week, I mentioned 1 John 4 and I want to reiterate it here. Before we can truly love others, which I think we can all agree is important in any relationship, we must first know God. In my effort to study the Bible better, I've been reading commentaries along with it and in the JFB commentary, the authors explain this brilliantly: "There is no Greek article to love, but to God; therefore we cannot translate, Love is God. God is fundamentally and essentially LOVE: not merely is loving, for then John’s argument would not stand; for the conclusion from the premises then would be this, This man is not loving: God is loving; therefore he knoweth not God IN SO FAR AS GOD IS LOVING; still he might know Him in His other attributes. But when we take love as God’s essence, the argument is sound: This man doth not love, and therefore knows not love: God is essentially love, therefore he knows not God." Relationship has to start with God because, in the first place, that's what we were created for, and secondly, it's His gift to us. He did not have to create Eve for Adam. Our capacity to love is entirely due to the fact that we were first loved, even when we were unworthy of it. Knowing who God is and who you are in Him will result in an overflow of the love bestowed on you. We know what love is and how to love God when we pursue and get to know Him.

    So love God first, pursue Him first, but don't let it stop there. In 1 John 4:20, John tells us "if someone claims, 'I love God,' but hates his brother or sister, then he is a liar. Anyone who does not love a brother or sister, whom he has seen, cannot possibly love God, whom he has never seen." Love is a choice we have to make and without it, we cannot have a healthy relationship. Bitterness and offense should be worked out, not held onto. Express your grievances, learn to forgive and have grace. Be compassionate and understanding. Pursuit is more than being brave enough to ask someone out to coffee or lunch, it's being mindful of your interactions and doing that person the justice of honesty. Now, don't go picking fights and pointing out every fault, that's not love, but let your differences be a space for growth rather than division. This sounds so cliché but let love win, no matter what you're feeling. Love first, even when you don't feel like it or feel like that person deserves it. Love first, even when it's scary and you don't know if you'll get hurt again. Love is always worth it and never wasted.

    Reach out, even if it isn't to someone new (but you should reach out to new people too). Text your friends. Tell your family that you love them. Make the most out this blessing, this gift of relationship, take advantage of it. Don't go through this life alone. Love and don't stop loving. 

Yours Truly,

Rey.